Archive for September, 2007
Things
Author: ErikaSep 25
Wes and I cleaned out our closets this weekend. We did this two years ago when we got married and moved in together and we did it again on Sunday. The reason we did this is because our house had reached critical mass as far as clothing storage capacity goes. We both need some new clothes and the prospect of shoving yet more clothing into our already burgeoning closets made me cringe.
So that’s what did. We tried on every article of clothing we own and anything that a) no longer fit or b) hadn’t been worn since we got married was put into the bon voyage pile. It was funny watching Wes try on shirts that he hasn’t worn since middle school and it was very depressing realizing that I shall never be able to wear my prom dress again (Boo!).
Once we finished going through our clothes we had a pile that basically took up our whole bed and was about a foot high. That’s a lot of clothes! I have so many coat hangers floating around now I barely know what to do with myself. Anyway, we took those clothes to the Goodwill truck that’s always behind Safeway on the weekends and bid farewell to them with nary a tear.
While we were driving home we discussed how good it feels to know that those clothes, which haven’t been worn by us in almost a decade in some cases, will be put to good use by someone somewhere. It got me to pondering on the nature of hording. It’s difficult to give clothes away because there’s always that niggling notion in the back of your head that you could potentially, someday, if you lose 100 lbs., and live in Guatemala with an alpaca, wear this *insert random article of clothing here* again.
I’m not yet entirely certain why this is. Is there comfort in excess clothing? Is the desire to retain clothing that serves no ostensible purpose an innate drive? I don’t know. What I do know, however, is that I feel much better now that our clothes only take up 3 of the closets in our house. Wes is happy because he can get dressed now without having to traipse through all three floors of our house. I’m happy because I’m having a blast imagining some guy roaming the hills of Guatemala with an alpaca while wearing my prom dress.
Normal is an Approximation
Author: ErikaSep 24
I visited my therapist today and came out of the whole experience with a brain full of things to think about (as always). I don’t generally share what gets said during therapy sessions because it’s usually very personal and really none of anyone’s business (Wes being the notable exception). The idea of expectations, however, really stuck out and I feel like it’s completely appropriate to share since I imagine almost every struggles with expectations at some point or another.
The idea of expectations comes up in almost every session, regardless of topic, but this time the topic at hand was my puppy and his House-Breaking Odyssey. I came into my therapy session this morning snorting fire because little Mr. Doc had 3 accidents yesterday! Seriously, this puppy has lived with us for half his life and at the robust age of 13 weeks he still hasn’t gotten the idea that pottying on the rug really irritates Mommy?!
Now, at this point, I may have called my dog “house-breaking retarded”. My therapist gently reminded me that my dog seems to be anything but retarded as he now knows and responds to a great many commands. For a 13-week old puppy, he knows a lot of commands. He is a very intelligent dog and there’s nothing to indicate that there’s anything wrong with him whatsoever.
Well, now we’re getting into edgy territory as it means that the problem isn’t with the dog, it’s with the puppy-parents. Well, cognitively I know that this isn’t a Doc problem, so I nod and agree while in my head thinking ‘Yeah, but he’s still a really naughty puppy!!!’.
Then my therapist says something I don’t expect. I thought he was going to recommend that we consult a professional, which he did later, but what he said at that point was that the problem was my expectations (and possibly Wes’ too). When we brought Doc home, I set expectations for myself that he would be all sorts of things by certain ages. I felt confident that we would have him house-broken in 1 week for SURE.
When he wasn’t and I knew that other people had house-broken their puppies is less time (puppies surely less cute and intelligent as Doc) I became angry because my expectations for myself weren’t being met. Doc gets sucked into this because he’s the conduit of said expectations. The fact that he is not yet house-broken meant that I was a terrible puppy-parent and a failure. Despite all his other fantatsic skills, every little pool of puppy urine reflected my failure.
My therapist broke it down this way: every parent (puppy or otherwise) sets expectations for their offspring. The successful parents are the ones who realize that these expectations are arbitrary. Goals are good, expectations on others’ behaviors are bad. Every developmental milestone is an approximation based on thousands of averages. In every data set there are outliers and exceptions that skew the results. If my puppy figures out the whole house-breaking thing 1 week later than other people’s puppies then that’s fine.
Normal is good but it’s also an approximation. In addition to gaining perspective on the whole house-breaking issue, I feel like I have learned something important that will hopefully stick with me when Wes and I decide it’s time to procreate. So what if my baby doesn’t start walking until he’s a year old? As long as he’s walking and happy I don’t really care when he chooses to do it.
So what if my puppy pees on the floor? I’ll clean it up and love him and do my best to make it clear that his behavior is inappropriate for the house. I know that one day (hopefully very soon!) he’ll understand that the house is not a toilet and we will all forget how long it took him to get there. Then we’ll get to move on to other issues, like puppy puberty…
Interviews
Author: ErikaSep 21
Despite how I may have made it sound in previous posts, I generally like my job. I enjoy interviews (both asking the questions and merely observing) and I like offering people jobs they are really excited about. There’s something very satisfying in extending a job offer to someone and listening to them try to remain professional when they really just want to yell out “WOO HOO!!”
I have found, however, that I am a little too personable during interviews and as such have had to work on putting a more professional foot forward. When I first started interviewing people I was appalled at how many people talked to me about non-job-related things. I have had candidates talk to me about their issues with their parents, failed relationships, the traffic in 4 different states (and counting!), and what they like to do on the weekends.
Just Wednesday I had a candidate regale me with tales of voters who caught themselves on fire, managers who smoked crack pipes in the parking lot during breaks, and escapist buttons. This was all in one interview! The funny thing is we might actually hire the guy.
When I first started interviews and listened to these tragic people and their problems, I thought to myself ‘Is no one professional anymore? Who talks about this crap during an INTERVIEW?!’. As the pattern started to solidify, however, I had no choice but to draw the conclusion that it was highly unlikely that all these people were unbalanced and possibly disturbed. It was far more likely that I, being the common factor, was the source of this lunacy. I resolved to be less friendly and since then have encountered far fewer personal issues and drama (with the exception of Mr. Buttons).
This all serves to reinforce for me that someday I need to be a therapist. Since I seem to be able to make people feel comfortable enough to tell me all their issues upon first meeting I might as well be getting paid to do it. I have deepened my resolve to someday return to graduate school and obtain my Master’s in Counseling. Maybe after our kids are in school full-time Wes will let me go back to school. As for now, though, I can’t stomach the thought of another $40,000 in student loans. Blech!
Will Work for Validation
Author: ErikaSep 20
As I mentioned in my previous post, yesterday was rough. I have been getting the feeling from bosses lately that they don’t appreciate my slavish devotion to feeding and exercising my puppy in the middle of the day.
So, yesterday morning I brought it up with my manager. I figured the best defense is a good offense, and I think I was right. I told him that it’s basically impossible for me to get to my house from work, walk the dog, feed the dog, and get back to work in one hour. It takes about an hour and a half, which is sad because my house is only 9 miles away from my work and it shouldn’t take me so long to get home but it does so oh well.
He responds by saying that not only has he noticed this but he feels like my focus has slipped at work as of late. Now, at this point my hackles start to go up and I’m about 2 steps away from reminding him that I have been responsible for finding/interviewing/hiring 5 people in the last 2 weeks. I’d say that speaks well of my focus but I guess since I’m not the CEO I don’t know best.
He tells me that I need to rethink my lifestyle. When he says this, he means that I need to adopt my company’s lifestyle. My company’s lifestyle is slavish devotion of another kind. It’s a 9-10 hour work day with no lunch break coupled with coming in on the weekends. That’s supposedly the lifestyle I am encouraged to adopt.
When I propose that I come in from 8-4 every day without taking a lunch break he says that this is impossible because supposedly the office needs coverage from 8-5. Even though I share the office with another person, who works until 6 every day for the sheer joy of working overtime for no ostensible reason, I have to physically be in the office from 8-5.
Seriously, the guy I share my office with works at least 9 hours every day so there is no risk of there being a lack of coverage during business hours for at least 2 timezones. This guy practically sleeps here and usually when I look over at his computer he’s looking up articles on MSN. I’m not judging him seeing as how I’m blogging while at work, I’m just saying that he obviously stays late because he likes being here, not because he has work to do, and so I see no danger in having a lack of coverage at the office from 4-5. But, my boss says no so I file my reasonable offer away into my “Rejected Ideas” file.
Anyway, the moral of this story is that my boss thinks I lack focus (which, judging from my hiring statistics I don’t) and that I need to live a less dog-centric lifestyle. So, Wes and I have had to re-think Doc’s schedule. We’ll figure it out, it’s just frustrating. I just keep thinking about how my paycheck goes toward paying off my student loans and it keeps me going. That’s the only reason I keep coming to work.
My job is very fun sometimes but it’s a very hard job to do. It fulfills me in some ways but neglects a core part of me. My boss is very good about correcting me when I mess up but never praises me when I do something right. If you know me at all you know that above all things I thrive on validation. After about 2 months of marriage Wes figured out that if he just flicked his fingers at me while saying “Validation, validation” it would do the trick. Seriously, validating me is a full-time job.
That being said, my job frequently frustrates me because I feel like I’m doing a good job and yet I receive NO validation for my efforts. In many ways my job could be worse. I get paid well for what I do and at this point it’s a means to an end. My job has many perks (one wall of my office is all windows, I’m sitting in a $900 chair, and there’s a Starbucks French Press machine 2 floors above me) so for now I’m staying put. I just can’t wait for the day when my student loans are paid off and I can move on to the next phase. I’m not sure which phase that will be per se, but I hope it involves a little less stress and a lot more joy.