First of all, I’d like to wish everyone the very happiest of Halloweens! May your evening be filled to the brim with cute trick or treaters, Halloween candy, and the entertainment of your choosing.
As for me and my house? We’re going to be pretty mellow tonight. Halloween candy, a photo op for Aidan in his tiger costume, and then a showing of The Nightmare Before Christmas with my brother and his wife. Mellow, relaxed, and sugary. Just the way I like it!
The reason we’re going to celebrate Halloween in such a chill manner is because Wes and I are exhausted. Maybe me moreso than him, but that’s tough to qualify. The reason? Sick toddler.
Aidan started teething a couple weeks ago, so he and I both stopped sleeping well at night. Then, when the teething looked like it was almost done, he caught a bit of a cold. Then he spiked a fever. A fever that came and went for four days.
Yesterday morning he was so lethargic and feverish and un-Aidan-ish I couldn’t look at him without crying so I got him the soonest doctor appointment I could find.
It turns out he had a 102 degree fever and a double ear infection. The poor guy was miserable!
So now he’s on antibiotics and he slept the night through last night for the first time in weeks and HALLE-FRICKIN-LUJAH and oh my gosh I’m so tired I could collapse.
And do you know what starts tomorrow? November. And NaNoWriMo. And the holidays.
You guys…I don’t think I can handle NaNo this year. The whole point of wrapping up my revisions for Enemy Accountant early was so I could rest for the last two weeks of October, but my child had other plans. Now I’m entering into a writing marathon sleep-deprived, exhausted in almost every way, and feeling about as inspired as a dirty gym sock.
I love NaNo. I love the thrill of it, the sense of community, the adrenaline. But I refuse to pick battles I know I can’t win, and this has failure written all over it. Never mind the fact that I have a freelance writing thing I’ll actually get paid to do this month. Never mind that I still need to write a synopsis and query letter to the agents who requested to read Enemy Accountant
The fact is, I’m just worn out and I can’t have fun writing this next novel if I feel like crap. And what’s the point of writing a novel if it isn’t fun?
There isn’t a point (unless you’re under contract) so I’m bowing out of participating in NaNo this year. I’ll get a pang every time I get a NaNoWriMo email, and I wish all of you who are participating the very best of luck, but this is not my year.
Maybe next year…Oh, wait. I might have another baby lurking around by then. Well, shoot. I’ll write another novel between now and then, I suppose.
For now, I’ll just eat my candy, and dress my kid up, and catch up on sleep. Or maybe I’ll just watch Deep Blue Sea while Aidan’s napping…