Wes just called and informed me that Kermit (my erstwhile form of vehicular transportation) suffers from a computer malfunction and is in need of a new timing belt. The computer malfunction is being fixed under warranty but the whatever-belt is going to cost $350 to fix.
I have a couple reactions to this. First of all, the computer malfunction in question is hilarious. I guess my “kill-switch” was engaged. Most cars have something called a kill-switch which shuts down the car when the car is going too fast (like over 120 mph). Kermit’s kill-switch activated when I was going…wait, are you ready for it?…35 miles per hour. Hold the phones! Wake the president! It’s a good thing Kermit stopped me because someone could have been hurt at that excessive speed!
My second reaction is one of incredulity. How can a belt cost $350? Aren’t those made of recycled rubber? I’ve read about kids in Africa who weave belts out of grass while their cars are driving. The grass belts don’t last very long, but that’s why they weave while they drive. All I need is a group of little weavers and I’ll be good to go!
Wes quashed that idea when he told me that they have to take apart half the engine to put the whatever-belt in. Also, if this belt breaks my engine will explode. Oh. I guess I can cancel my reservation on the group of little weavers.
Kermit will make it through another day, though. It’s still fun to imagine life with a malfunctioning kill-switch. I imagine the kill-switcher being an old lady with a bun and spectacles, and every time I try to drive over 35 mph she scowls and wags her finger at me before flipping the massive red “KILL SWITCH” under my car’s hood. I think her name is Edna.