All Hail Chuck Norris

There’s a new phenomenon sweeping the Mitchell household. It began on Friday, courtesy of an ingenious colleague of mine, grew into a menace on Friday night, and has since swept up everyone we know and hold dear and taken them along for the ride. That phenomenon? Chuck Norris jokes.

Oh yeah you read that right. I had no idea either, but there’s a lot you don’t know about Chuck Norris and it’s time you were rescued from your ignorance. These are courtesy of this and this website.

Just so you know…

  • When the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
  • If you have five dollars and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you do.
  • Chuck Norris is the reason Waldo is hiding.
  • Crop circles are Chuck Norris’ way of telling the world that sometimes corn just needs to lie the f*** down.
  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  • There is no “Ctrl” button on Chuck Norris’ computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.
  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity – twice.
  • Apple pays Chuck Norris $.99 every time he listens to a song.
  • Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
  • When an episode of “Walker Texas Ranger” aired in France, the French surrendered just to be on the safe side.
  • Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about.
  • Many people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

I could literally go on and on, but this blog post would get too long and then no one would be happy. If you’re still wanting more, the sites I linked to above have TONS more of these so go have fun. If you find a good one, post it in the comments section so I can laugh too!

4 thoughts on “All Hail Chuck Norris

  1. I must say, I have always loved the Chuck Norris Facts. However, as you are relatively new to this meme, I have to bring you up to speed. Vin Diesel was briefly in competition with Norris for facts such as these. He seems to have fallen by the wayside. Jack Bauer is also a competitor, and apparently Indiana Jones has emerged as a dark horse.

    Now, I am not criticizing you for your lateness in the game, as I myself hold onto these internet fads long past their expiration dates. Case in point: I love lolcats. I can’t say why, as they’re totally oversaturated, but I love the little buggers.

    And I still like “all your base.” Although I didn’t understand it the first time Wes showed it to me.

  2. -Dane, Will you please explain what lolcats is? I’ve heard of it but never taken the time to investigate. I’d appreciate the illumination!

  3. A lolcat is a picture of a cat which is anthropomorphized by adding a caption which either indicates what the cat is saying, typically in bad grammar or l33t sp33k, or adds a description of the picture, often with “invisible ______.”

    As the lolcat has evolved, so have the lolcat conventions. Recurring themes include “ceiling cat” and “basement cat” the ideas of cats wanting cheeseburgers (“I can haz cheeseburger?”), “nom nom nom,” which indicates the sound a cat or other animal would make while eating, “pew pew pew,” which is of course a punching or gun sound, the ever-popular “I’m in your [noun] [verbing] your [noun].” We have also seen growth in comments about something’s flavor.

    This has expanded to dogs, whose most popular themes are “i can has hotdog,” and the ever popular FAIL dogs, which show pictures of dogs doing things wrong or badly. There was also a brief surge in popularity of walruses who are missing their buckets.

    icanhascheezburger is one of the more popular sites.

  4. -Dane, Oh, I know I’ve seen lolcats before! They’re very silly! I don’t quite understand the walrus’ without buckets but that may just be an acquired taste. Thanks for filing me in!

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