Avocado Aesthetics

Wes and I have lived in the same neighborhood for almost three years now. It’s safe, it’s quiet, it’s got wide streets, generous sidewalks, and a playground less than 10 minutes away (on foot.) In short, it’s idyllic.

It’s the kind of neighborhood you’d probably see on a 50’s sitcom, with nicely manicured yards and well-maintained houses. There are some houses with four rusty cars in the front yard and drapes made from old t-shirts, but those houses are in a different section of the ‘hood so we just pretend they don’t exist.

The reason I’m writing about my neighborhood right now is that I’m certain someone is up to hijinks and I am nothing if not a purveyor of hijinks.

There’s this house that Doc and I walk past while we’re out getting exercise and it’s been the same strange color since I can remember. It’s a beautiful house on a particularly fancy street but it has the weirdest color scheme I’ve ever seen: It’s a deep, dark, brick-stained-with-red-wine red and has a dark green trim. It’s standing smack dab in the middle of a bunch of taupe and beige houses and it’s bizarre (adding to the bizarre is the fact that they have a car the exact same shade of red as the house.)

I’ve always just assumed that the house was painted during the 80’s or something and that the owners were just suffering with it until they decided to re-paint.

Well, imagine my excitement when I walked by and saw ladders, tarps, and a couple of guys with paint brushes last week. As lame as this may be, I was actually excited to see what that house would look like in a new color and resolved to stop by later in the week to see what color they went with.

I was not disappointed.

In a bizarre way.

They painted the house avocado green. It’s literally the exact same shade as the greenest part of the insides of an avocado. No trim. Just green. The house looks like a giant frog squatting in a sea of grass.

The reason I’m suspecting hijinks is that there’s no way they painted the house that color because they thought it would look nice. Seriously, no one paints houses that color anymore.

I think the owners have decided to play a trick on all their neighbors by changing their house from an ugly color scheme to an even uglier, brighter, more obscene color scheme. I think they’re sitting behind those green walls laughing their faces off every time someone walks by and pulls a face about their green monstrosity.

Maybe they’ll change it again soon, maybe this private joke will go on until they no longer find it funny. Who knows? One thing I do know is that, if they are the kind of people who take joy in changing their house paint to an awful shade just because it’s funny, that Wes and I probably need to be friends with these people.

2 thoughts on “Avocado Aesthetics

  1. Maybe they’ll have a studio in their basement and convince you two to start a band with them…

    That’s always a small fantasy of mine when I meet new people; that they’ll need a bassist/vocalist for their almost-famous band.

  2. -VariableInterest, Dude, if this were the case Wes would flip the heck out. He’s a rock star trapped in a mortgage consultant’s body, you see, and would like nothing more than to have awesome neighbors as band mates. I, on the other hand, would likely not make much of a contribution to the band unless they needed a really awesome clarinet player. There does seem to be a dearth of rock clarinet these days…

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