I have it from a very good source (meaning me) that I’ll know this week whether month four of Operation Firstborn was a success. Success meaning I’ll spend the next few months exhausted and uncomfortable only to go through excruciating pain and be rewarded by a few months of sleeplessness. Oh, and a child.
My mood vacillates wildly between tummy-fluttering excitement and cool insouciance. I don’t even allow myself to wonder about how cool it would be/what it would mean/how awesome it would be to know I was pregnant on Mother’s Day, instead choosing to divert my mental energy into convincing myself that it didn’t happen this month. I love being right, and being right is about a thrillion times better than crushing disappointment. Unless being wrong means I’m pregnant, in which case bring on the wrong.
Just between us, though, I’m pretty sure I’m not pregnant. I don’t feel pregnant, I’m not exhibiting any pregnancy symptoms (except moodiness, but really. It’s me. Come on.) and I figure it does me no good to look for things that aren’t there. Better to write off this month and set my sights on next month. It’s infinitely better to focus on hope than dwell on what you don’t have.
It’s not like I don’t have enough stuff to distract me. Wes started school tonight and I have the house all to myself. How did I celebrate my heady freedom? Manual labor, of course! A rowdy gust of wind knocked a tree from our neighbor’s house onto a cedar in our yard, where it remains tangled hopelessly in our gigantic cedar’s arms. Several branches were resting on the roof of Doc’s kennel so I busted out my hand saw and went to work.
I cut through a three inch bough and, I kid you not, I felt so triumphant I shouted out “I’m a mountain woman!” This is what happens when a white-collar goofball who makes her living applying one pound per square inch to a whole bunch of twee little buttons gets herself an outdoor project involving tools. Doc’s kennel is now free from perilously poky and heavy tree branches and I feel pretty freaking victorious.
It feels pretty weird to know that Wes is sitting in a classroom learning about hardware troubleshooting (Heh. Wes was born knowing how to do hardware troubleshooting, he’s probably bored out of his mind right now) because it seems like we were just throwing around the idea of him going back to school a few weeks ago. This huge change crept up on me, I guess. I definitely underestimated the sneakiness.
What does this mean for the blog? Probably lots of a long, meandering blog posts thanks to my inexperience with free time. Topic for tomorrow? Probably a review of the new X-Men movie we saw over the weekend. There are about a million conflicting reviews out there so I’ll let you know what I thought and give you even more information you probably don’t need. You can thank or ridicule me later.
My sister, who is a mere 5 months pregnant right now, said that she just “knew” that she was pregnant. Before any tests or doctors appointments. She just knew. I hate to relay the story of my sister so easily getting pregnant…. she decided back around Thanksgiving of last year that she and her husband were reading to have children – and the second or third week in January, she called to tell me that she was preggers. Definitely not a hard task! Her best friend, having only been married since August, has been trying since September. Thus far, not successful. So, I guess it’s a wait and see game! Good luck with your trying!!
And I’m glad to hear you being so on top of the use of a saw. They scare the shit out of me – so, my desire to break things with large tools is overwhelmed by the fear of mangling my hand; or somehow hurting the guy across the street, who is an innocent bystander, in a strange, unrepeatable, nor explainable, accident.
Just wait for the power yard tools. That’s an even bigger rush!
Also, change is a bastard, always sneaking up on you when you aren’t expecting it. I hope you are wrong as well.
-Genay, That’s the hard thing about pregnancy, it’s so different for everyone! Some people, like your sister, just KNOW when they’re preggers whereas other people I’ve asked said they had no idea. I’ve felt super-pregnant a couple times now with nothing to show for it, so there’s really nothing for it for me but to wait. And gnash my teeth. But also wait. Thanks for the well wishes, I hope to puking in no time ;) You’re right to be scared of the saw, it occurred to me while I was out in the wind with no one around that if I had an unfortunate freak accident no one would know for hours. Not exactly comforting.
-Blanche, Oh man, think of the euphoric rush from using a chainsaw! Knowing me, I’d start cutting things just because, thus angering my husband and losing my power tools privileges. Change is a bastard! It really hit me last night that Wes is going to be in school for a looooong time and I promptly felt alone and bored. Change clubbed me over the head when I wasn’t even paying attention…Thanks for hoping I’m wrong, this is one of the only times I’m glad you hope I’m wrong!!