Hey there, would you look at that? The year is almost over! Like, tomorrow is the last day of 2009! A whole decade, which for me was characterized by growing up from teen to young adult, is a hairsbreadth from being kaput.
As I stare down January, in all its fresh start, resolution-ridden, cold weather profuse glory, I can’t help but feel a bit apprehensive. January means a little something more for us this year. It means we have two months (maybe less) to get a lot of stuff figured out before everything we know changes.
I…well, it’s very safe to say I dislike change. I don’t like switching jobs, I keep an extremely clean house because I don’t like it when things move, and if a plan changes I get upset if I don’t have time to process it first. It’s borderline autistic, but it’s how I get things done.
As January begins with February hot on its heels, I’m feeling ever so slightly out of my league. I know my life right now. I’m a wife, a daughter, a sister, a friend, and an employee. I’d like to think I’m pretty darn good at these roles. I have no idea how I’m going to be as a mother.
I’m fairly certain that becoming a mother won’t change much how I behave as a daughter, a sister, or a friend, but it’s sure as heck going to change my role as a wife and employee. These two roles are the most pervasive in my day to day life, and the upcoming shift has me feeling a little unprepared.
I make no secret of the fact that I love my job. I love what I do, I adore the people I work with, it’s all around just very good sauce. They’ve been patient with me in establishing my plan for when the baby is here, which is good since I’ve tried very hard to not think about what I’m going to do once Squishy is here.
I mean, it’s just so difficult to imagine what life is going to be like once this little baby is out and about. I can easily imagine working. I know all about that. I have no idea about motherhood.
I’m sure there are some people who slip into motherhood like it’s a warm bath they’ve been looking forward to all day. I hope I’m one of them. I just feel like I’ve never seen a bath before and have no idea how deep it is because of all the bubbles. And rubber duckies. And I don’t know how to swim. And did I mention the bubbles?
Obviously this baby is going to come whether I’m ready or not, and I’ll jump in with both feet because that’s how I roll. But for now, in this deep breath before the plunge (a.k.a. the last eight weeks of pregnancy) I feel like it’s the first day of kindergarten and I’m not quite sure how to behave on the playground just yet.
So there you go. How do I feel about my impending motherhood? Bubble baths and playgrounds. That just about sums it up.