Archive for the ‘ Doc Holliday ’ Category

Wagging

I was out for a walk last night and passed some guy walking a small, fluffy white dog.  He stopped to rest in the shade of a tree and shouted across the street, “It’s too hot to walk!”  He didn’t say it in a let’s-share-the-misery kind of way, he was distinctly judgmental about it.  Like he strongly disapproved of my decision to go for a walk on a sunny, beautiful day.

I wondered how he was hoping I’d respond to his recrimination.  That maybe I’d dive under the nearest tree and fan myself while shouting my agreement across the street?  That I’d crumple to the ground and clutch my heart when I realized that yes, it truly was too hot to walk?  Apparently, I live on the surface of the sun.

I really miss Doc on these walks.  Whenever Wes and I pass someone walking a dog down the street we always get quiet for a moment.  I miss nagging him to heel, I miss watching him struggle not to chase the leaves down the street, I would be overjoyed to hear the clicking of his giant dog claws next to me against the pavement.  There are sweet summer days that just seem created for a good game of fetch, but I can’t bring myself to play it with him because he’ll gladly injure himself just for the thrill of chasing down a ball.

We still have our laughs, though.  I was reclining on the couch with my arms above my head last night and Doc, not looking first, decided to ram himself against my shoulder.  Except my shoulder wasn’t there, it was my armpit.  So there went Doc’s whole face, nose first, right into my armpit.  He was shaking deodorant out of his nostrils for a good minute or so.

Or Buns.  Oh my gosh, he loves Buns (the bunny).  He’s haunted by Buns, truly.  He saw Buns in our yard once, many months ago.  Away he went, tearing across the yard like his tail was on fire.  He didn’t catch Buns, of course, because Buns is very hoppity, but now he’s obsessed with chasing this bunny he saw many months ago.  Every time he goes outside he rushes out, chest out and tail wagging, scanning the yard for just a glimpse of a furry little bunny butt.

He never sees it, but that doesn’t stop him from trying.  Kind of like with us and our quest to be financially secure.  We have yet to actually see what that looks like, but we keep trying, tail wagging all the while.

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So…I’m kind of a bad puppy mom.  I forgot to make a big deal of my puppy’s birthday and, as a result, it completely slipped past us this year.  Last year I wrote this big sappy long post for his big day, and this year there wasn’t even a footnote.  Not that he cares, of course, but I care a little.

In other canine-related news, we have a neighborhood pest.  Not the bedraggled, scrappy little pup who wanders the ‘hood in search of children in trouble and vulnerable desserts just waiting to be knocked from window ledges.  This pest is confined to his yard.  Where he barks.  All day and all night.

Since when is it ok to just let your dog bark all the time?  Outdoors?  When you live in the ‘burbs and your neighbors are all working very hard at the jobs they need to excel at so they don’t lose their 1,000 square feet of dream lifestyle?

This dog sounds like it weighs about ten pounds but has the vocal chord strength of  a gaggle of angry chimps.  It barks all night and during sporadic times in the day, which leads me to believe the owner brings it inside sometimes.  Which then leads me to assume said owner kicks the stupid dog out at night.  Which I assume is because it’s a yappy mess of a creature.

Listen, I get that barking dogs are unpleasant.  They’re loud, they do it for any and all reasons, and they get all riled up about it.  However, I’ve heard there are these amazing breakthroughs in behavioral manipulation (called “basic training” to responsible pet owners) that can prevent this kind of thing from becoming a problem.

Now, I’m not saying we’re perfect.  Doc barked his little head off for the first month we left him outside in his kennel during the day.  He wasn’t happy and he wanted us back and it was all too tragic.  We let him know we didn’t appreciate his noise by setting a reliable routine and chucking tennis balls at his cage (thereby making a scary rattling noise) every time he barked.  Now, he goes outside and stays there with nary a peep.

We’ve taken a lot of pains to ensure our puppy is not a menace or a pain to anyone but us.  He doesn’t pee or poop in anyone’s yard but ours.  He doesn’t bark.  He’s never off leash.  He only kisses and plays with people who tell us they want his affection.  He’s a model dog, and we love him to pieces.

But, we had to work all three of us to the ground to get there.  It just really makes me mad that this person couldn’t be bothered to do the work he/she should have done to be a good neighbor-who-is-also-a-dog-owner and now we all have to suffer for it.  Our backyard abuts about five other yards, so it’s kind of impossible to ascertain the menace.  It could be the cocker spaniel who lives in what Wes and I suspect is perhaps a meth lab (or forgotten portal to Narnia).  Or it could be the papillon who lives with the neighbor whose tree fell in our yard and nearly smushed our kennel.

Rest assured, however, that if I ever figure out whose dog it is, I will be sorely tempted to invest in some pooch-safe narcoleptics that will be swiftly tucked inside treats and hurled over the fence.  I am sorry.  I work a ton.  I need rest, and for me the sound of a yipping dog is just about as far away from restful as it gets.  If that means drugging someone’s dog with Puppy Ambien for a night?  I’m all for it.

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Big Deals Cooking

Sorry for the radio silence around here.  Wes and I have some big deals cooking and those projects required my attention during what is usually known as my blogging time around here.  Fret not, I expect to be back to my regular inanity sometime tomorrow.

For now, here are the things we know:

  1. Our wallets love Pedigree dog food (for the delightful cheapness) but Doc’s stomach certainly does not.  Our downstairs family room has become a bit of a biohazard zone as of late.  We’re considering making Doc’s colon an outdoor colon.
  2. Barring a global disaster of some kind, Wes will be going back to school on Monday.  I’ll get into the details of that decision later.
  3. Our home loan modification is almost done.  THANK GOODNESS.
  4. Eating two brownies in one evening always seems like a terrific idea until afterward when your stomach is indignant and you can’t move for fear of losing dessert and dinner.
  5. Seriously.  The dog.  Oh my goodness.

I hope you’re all having a lovely evening/morning/afternoon/day and I look forward to dishing the details on most of that stuff tomorrow.

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No Tofu for Doc

I have some friends I’d very much like to introduce you to.  They’ve been waiting more than a year to meet you and they’ve put on their very finest display to prepare for the honor.  It’s my very great pleasure to introduce you to the Punk Rock Daffodils, all grown up:

We'll travel around the world, just you and me Punk Rock Squirrel...

We'll travel around the world, just you and me Punk Rock Squirrel...

Aren’t they just the dandiest?  They’re so tall and proud, so bright and defiantly cheerful.  You can see they opted against piercings and tattoos because, as any real punk knows, punk is all about what’s inside, friends.

I tried to get Doc interested in the daffodils, but he couldn’t have cared less…

doc-does-not-care-for-punk-rock

You see, before his recent bone devouring incident, he grew rather enraptured of Voltaire.  That didn’t last long, and now after his near-death experience he’s on a rather pious kick.  He, quite frankly, doesn’t understand why anyone would want to live a life of rebellion and has resorted to calling his body a temple and requesting tofu.

We do not do tofu in this household, and refuse to feed the dog food that costs more than the food we eat, so we’ve politely declined his requests.  He’s sulking but I think he’ll make it.

Be careful or your face will get stuck that way, buddy.

Be careful or your face will get stuck that way, buddy.

In other news, Wes is thinking about going back to school, our accountant is asking for our firstborn child as payment for filing our taxes, our home loan is still not modified, we’re trying to figure out how a baby fits into this mess, and my car needs an oil change.

So, you know, not much going on that’s worth talking about really…

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Cookies and Calisthenics

First things first, before I forget because all the recent sunny weather has gone straight to my head and caused my brain to erupt into a million tiny little feathers: My chewy peanut butter cookie recipe from the book The Home Baker (as opposed to the restaurant baker, because those fools obviously don’t need any help with their recipes)

8 tbsp butter, softened

Generous 1/3 cup peanut butter

Generous 1 1/8 cups granulated sugar

1 egg

Generous 1 cup all-purpose flour

1/2 tsp baking powder

Pinch of salt

  • Beat the butter and peanut butter together in a large bowl.  Gradually add the sugar and beat well.  Take some time to smell the delicious smell of peanut butter and sugar (Seriously, do this.  You won’t regret it).
  • Add the egg, mix until thoroughly combined.
  • Sift the flour, baking powder, and salt together into the mixture, mix until just combined, then wrap in plastic wrap and let chill in the fridge for 30 minutes.
  • Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.  Lightly grease cookie sheet, slap some rolled-up balls of cookie down on that rascal and do the cross-hatchy smushing thing with a fork.  Bake for 15 minutes until golden brown.  These are pretty light brown anyway, so you’d better just poke them until they feel slightly firmed up.
  • Eat too many, regret it, and then realize since these have peanut butter they’re kind of healthy anyway and then stop feeling bad about the indulgence.

There you are.  The peanut butter cookie recipe I make whenever I forget to buy dessert ahead of time.  Enjoy!

It was quite the weekend at casa de Mitchell.  We spent Friday evening partying with my co-workers and I had my first introduction to the brutal reality that is Monarch vodka.  Please, take a page from my book: Monarch does not love you back.  Flee from it like the hounds of Hell itself are nipping your heels.  I drank one, maybe two shots at the absolute most and I still had the spins and nausea the next day.  No good can come of it, friends.

Saturday morning dawned bright and late for us and we awoke to find a nasty little surprise from Doc Holliday, puppy extraordinaire.  His chewed-up bone was sitting in his crate.  Wes asked him how he managed to sneak his bone into his crate but I was not convinced that Doc carried it in there.  I suspected a swallowing and later regurgitation episode, so I investigated.

The evidence confirmed my suspicions: Doc swallowed his whole bone, raggedy sharp bits and all, and later threw it back up again.  Lest you forget how determined our dog is to swallow things he oughtn’t, here’s the bone itself, outside my dog’s digestive system:

Admit it: You're impressed.

Admit it: You're impressed.

He’s obviously committed to his craft.  I don’t even want to know the calisthenics necessary to get a bone that huge to go down your throat without choking, especially without making a huge fuss since neither Wes nor I heard him doing it.  If there were a Guinness Book of World Records for canines, I believe Doc would be in strong contention for the “Most things swallowed in two years” category.

What to do with a dog like this other than make sure to throw bones away when they get nubby and love him in spite of himself?

I’m fully aware that I’m writing about peanut butter cookies and puked-up bones in the same post, and that some people might find that distasteful.  Sorry about that.  Maybe just don’t look at the picture while you eat the cookies…?

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