Archive for the Category » Just plain nonsense «

Wednesday, January 27th, 2010 | Author: Erika

So, my post yesterday was not very uplifting, nor was it particularly artistic or well-written.  It was kind of a mess, really.  I’ve decided I’m ok with publishing those every now and again, but no more than that, lest my readers decide to start charging me for therapy services rendered.

I am vastly comforted by the feedback I received on the post, however.  Sometimes you just need people to remind you that the situation is larger than your little monkeybrain can compute at the moment.  My hormone addled monkeybrain and I appreciate your comments and help.

I thought I might celebrate my (temporarily?) recovered sanity by sharing a funny little observation Wes and I made at our birthing class last night.

We have snack time in our birthing class, which is exactly as awesome as it sounds, and every week two of the couples bring in snacks for everyone.  The snack this week was string cheese, Babybel cheese, Ritz crackers, apple slices, and Oreo cookies.  Wes and I grabbed a plate with an assortment and sat down next to another couple.

I said, “I love this snack, it’s very fancy this week.”  I meant it.  Here I was with some cheese, some crackers, and some fruit.  In my mind, it was one glass of Pinot Grigio away from being a sophisticated repast.

The girl sitting next to me laughed and said, “Yes, just like kindergarten!”

And then we realized: Cheese, crackers, and fruit can either be a fancy snack or a kindergarten snack.  It just depends on what you drink with it.  If you add wine, it’s a fancy party.  If you add grape juice, bust out the nap mats and eat some glue because it’s kindergarten hour.

Silly, huh?

Tuesday, December 08th, 2009 | Author: Erika
Just so you know? The top left one looks EXACTLY like me when I'm laughing.

Just so you know: The top right one looks EXACTLY like me when I'm laughing.

Happy National Brownie Day!  I’m not even kidding you.  It’s a national holiday, which means it would be downright unpatriotic to go without a brownie today.

Awesome bonus?  Because it’s a national holiday, the calories don’t count!

Personally, I’m a huge fan of the Ghirardelli brownie mix.  Their double chocolate one is rich, delicious, and tastes like real chocolate.  I suppose bakeries and grocery stores make good brownies too, but if you’re hankering for some baking that there’s a solid mix.

We’d make some for ourselves, but we can’t.  We are going to be too busy going to our very first birthing class (oh my gosh oh my gosh oh my gosh!).  When I initially signed us up for the class, Wes’ reaction was as follows:

Erika: Hey honey, I just signed us up for a natural childbirthing class.

Wes: Why?

Erika: …?  Because we’re newbs and we’ve never done this before.

Wes: But isn’t birth supposed to be natural and stuff?  If it’s so natural, why do we need to take a class to do it?

Erika: Remember that video we watched?  Where the woman thrashed around and screamed and it was really awful?

Wes: *shudder*

Erika: We’re going to take a class in the hopes of preventing that when it’s our turn.

Wes: We’ll take it twice if we have to.

Erika: That’s what I thought.

What do brownies and a birth class have to do with smiling sharks?  Absolutely nothing.  But aren’t you glad you saw those?

I obviously have a lot of very intelligent and erudite things to say, but I just as obviously can’t share them here.  Because that would, uh, damage my public reputation.  Yeah.

Wednesday, December 02nd, 2009 | Author: Erika

hand soapI’m not even sure there’s anything else I can say here other than to tell you these are hand soaps shaped like hands.  I just really want to leave these in the bathroom for my guests on a tidy little plate so I can laugh maniacally when I hear the yelps of confusion.

Can’t you just imagine the profanity and high-jinks that would surely ensue?!

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009 | Author: Erika

I am one very fortunate little chica.

I was leaving work last night and, in order to get home, had to make a left turn across a very busy road.  The visibility on both sides was blocked on both sides by parked cars, making my left turn very hazardous indeed.

I found a window in traffic and gunned my Kia engine for all it was worth.  I made it to the other side safely, but not without (unintentionally, obviously) cutting off a police officer.

As soon as I got to the other side I knew I was busted.  I slowed down and waited for him to flip around and come chase me with his bright whirly lights.  I pulled over and turned off my engine, waiting with my hands folded like a good law-abiding citizen.

The young officer came up to me and said, “Do you know why I pulled you over?”

I replied, “Yeah, that was a really stupid thing to do.”

He asked me why I did it, I explained the dangerous lack of visibility thanks to the parked cars, and he said he could see my point.  I handed over my license and registration and watched as he took my license back to his car.

I could just feel the ticket coming, like the early days of congestion that precede a really nasty head cold.

He came back to my car and surprised the stuffing out of me.  After handing me back my license he said that he was letting me off with just a warning, owing to my squeaky-clean record (Heh. After my car accident last year and now this, is it really all that squeaky-clean? Should I even be driving at this point? Discuss).

I drove home and, as I put distance between myself and encounter, wondered how I got off so easy.  I was clearly wearing my wedding ring, and I looked frumpilicious with my ponytail and sweatpants.  I’m not so pregnant you can tell when I’m sitting, and I was definitely not hitting on him.

How the heck did I get such a nice police officer?  Clearly I am the recipient of some serious good blessings.  Quick, touch my sleeve and then buy a lotto ticket to see if the blessings are catching!

Tuesday, September 15th, 2009 | Author: Erika

I’ve had a big couple of days and the sad news is that I’m almost too busy to write about them!  Remember that project I said I was helping launch soon?  Well, it’s launching.  This month.  Oh yes.

This means I am officially Way Too Busy.  With a full-time job (with a blog), my own blog, and a new blog, I have blogs coming out my ears and I don’t even know what to do about it.  I’m shoveling my way out from under 100+ emails every day, writing my little face off, and to be honest?  Feeling really overwhelmed.  Plus I’m riding a mood swing at the moment so I’m also feeling a tad misanthropic as well.

But!  I broke up with my OB-GYN today, scheduled my first appointment with my new care provider, and scheduled my next ultrasound appointment.  You know, the BIG ultrasound appointment, wherein it will be revealed whether Squishy is:

  • A boy.
  • A girl.
  • A freaking mystery because the baby won’t cooperate.

My appointment is set for October 5th so you can expect an exclamation point-laden post sometime that day.

See?  I can’t even muster up excitement for that!  Ugh, I need a vacation and a virgin strawberry daiquiri stat.  I mean, I really want to talk about what happened with my doctor and what we ended up deciding to do.  I also want to talk about the new site I’m helping to launch.  What I don’t want to do is talk about these things when I’m feeling so crazed and tired.

Sigh.  What I need to do is pull myself together.  I’m gonna go stand in a corner and breathe into a paper bag until I can get my mind to stop racing like an amphetamine-addled NASCAR driver.  I’ll post again when I’m feeling less inclined to stick out my thumb and hitch a ride to Alaska, where I’ll tell stories for a living and set up a strange encampment in a public library.