Before I type anything (besides the words I just typed {and those too}) I must preface this post by coming clean about one thing: I am under the influence.  Of a cold.  A nasty sore throat I woke up with yesterday that sprouted fangs and a nasty thrashing tail overnight to become this terrible mind-clouding fog that makes me forget where I put my purse and gives me reason to believe I may have driven home with the emergency brake on the whole way.

That being said, this post runs the risk of not making any sense.  This is a shame since my cold has convinced me that I am particularly profound today and that this post could change lives.  Or save lives.  Or has nine lives.  It’s definitely one of those three.

The subject of this post is that which I wrote of in my last post: the new Terminator movie.  Wes and I decided to see it yesterday and I exited the movie theatre with mixed feelings.  Something was bothering me but I couldn’t quite put my birthday cake-encrusted finger on it.

I blame my cold for obscuring my thoughts on the matter.  In an effort to discern what was fashing me so much about the movie, I turned to my favorite source for all things movie review: Pajiba.  If you’ve never visited this site, I highly recommend you do so the next time you’re waffling about whether you want to see a movie.  Yes, the reviews are scathing, but they’re also incisive and helpful without being hoity-toity-I’m-better-than-you-because-I-went-to-film-school-for-one-semester-until-I-dropped-out-to-work-at-Blockbuster-and-scowl-at-people.

The Terminator review really said anything I could have said, only better because that guy sounds really smart and stuff.  I’ll attempt to ad to what he said, but I do so in good conscience only by telling you that his review is much, much better.

Essentially, I left the theatre feeling a bit let down.  On its own, taken as a simple action flick, it does its job.  The action scenes are bone-rattling and completely enthralling, there are subtle dashes of call-back humor to brighten the mood, and the story moves along at just the right pace.

***There could potentially be spoilers henceforth, but not really.  They’re not really spoilers but they toe the line.  You have been notified.***

As a story, though?  No dice.  I don’t really think the movie accomplished much.  It’s basically the same as the others, wherein the heroes of the story continue the war against the machines and the movie ends with them winning a battle against the machines but reminding us that they haven’t won the war.

The problem is, at the fourth movie into the story, it would be kind of neat if there were some glimmer of hope.  But there’s not.  There’s just one battle won and the bleak likelihood that they will continue to make as many Terminator movies as they can until people like me stop paying to see them.

I guess my fear is that there’s no end in sight for this story.  I want these movies to be leading up to something, but I fear we’ll wind up with some crazed half-baked mish-mash of crap like with what happened in the Pirates of the Caribbean series.

We’ll see.  Word on the street is that they’re already making the next one.  I can only hope that Terminator: Salvation offers no resolution because the screenwriters are building up to a nice fat climax in the next one.  I’m tired of winning battles.  After twenty-odd years I’d really like to know the end of the war is in sight, y’know?

Movie reviews are tricky little suckers, aren’t they?  The only thing a movie review has ever encouraged me to do is not see a movie.  The reviewer either lambastes the movie, calling out all its inconsistencies and pointing out to the point of ridiculousness how much they disliked it, or they praise it to high heaven until you’re convinced it’s too good to watch.

For much the same reason that I rarely feel inclined to watch the movies that win the Academy Award for “Best Picture,” if a movie is too highly reviewed I’m convinced it’ll be boring, too much of a movie that’s a movie for the sake of being a movie (I should probably shove the word ‘movie’ in here a couple more times, don’t you think?).  Of course there’s an art to film making, but does that mean I want to ooh and aah over camera angles while I’m eating pizza and watching a movie on a Friday night?  Nope.

All rabbit trails aside, if Wes and I want to see a movie I usually make a point of avoiding movie reviews about said movie.  I really don’t want to be turned off a movie before I’ve ever seen it, and I especially don’t want to be aware of every flaw in the movie while I’m watching it.  Too much criticism will ruin a good time every time.

Unfortunately for me, I was ambushed by a review of the X-Men Origins: Wolverine movie on Friday morning.  I was driving to work and it popped onto the radio and I couldn’t turn away.  The reviewer had two things to say: The CGI is horrible and it wasn’t that great of a movie.

I shook my head in sadness and conveyed these thoughts to Wes.  We are not made of money and, as such, have to choose our date movies carefully.  He felt confident about the movie, and I felt confident in his confidence, so off to the movies we went.

I have to tell you, I enjoyed myself.  It’s an interesting story full of interesting characters and I thought the movie was a lot of fun.  It kept me entertained, at no point did I wonder how long I’d been sitting there, and there was really only one point where I felt the CGI looked unfinished.  That one point did not detract from the movie experience for me personally, though, so I guess there’s that.

If you like X-Men, and enjoyed the previous three movies, I think you’ll enjoy this one.  It has plenty of action, strong supporting characters, and a story that’s easy to understand without lapsing into snoozeville.  Is it the best movie ever made?  No.  Does it have the best music and the most convincing actors/actresses?  No.

The music’s pretty generic and I was not wild about the way a couple of the actors played their parts.  The nice thing is that the music was unobtrusive so you barely noticed it and the actors I didn’t like spent very little time onscreen.  The movie is what it is: A comic book movie.  In my humble opinion, it’s a terrific movie to go see if you like comic book movies and feel like being entertained for awhile.

Two servings of the Dionysus plate, 1 lb. of Sweet Factory candy, two scoops of coffee ice cream, and two movie tickets later, Wes and I are back from our date.  I’ve had to wait all day to write this review, and I’m here to tell you that keeping impressions and ideas that long is harder than it looks.  This review’s been burning behind my eyes so long that I could probably write it in Farsi if you gave me enough time.

The overwhelming impression that Wes and I got from Watchmen is that we liked it.  A lot.  We think.  This movie bears a passing resemblance to Fight Club in that, after the first viewing, you’re pretty sure you liked it but feel as though another viewing would be helpful.

It’s a whole lot of movie, clocking in at just under three hours.  The story is long, convoluted, and well-developed but at no time did I feel confused or in the dark about anything (except perhaps Ozymandias’ strange mutant cat).  I think the movie did an excellent job of telling a story with a crucial backstory without making you feel like you should have read a fanfic novel before watching.

In my opinion, the movie makes the most sense split into two parts: the movie, and the ideology.  The movie itself is solid.  The dialogue, camera work, action sequences, and special effects are all seamless.  It’s a fast-paced movie that goes by quickly and leaves you feeling very satisfied.  It’s fun to watch, makes sense, and tells an interesting and robust story.

Oh.  And there’s a lot of glowing blue wang (moreso in this movie than in any other I’ve ever seen).  I’m not going to be mature about this.  I couldn’t not watch it while it was on screen.

The second part of the movie, the ideology, is a little harder to write about.  There are so many aspects of the story that could each bear the weight of a lengthy ideological argument that when I left the theater I felt a bit like my brain was in knots.  The role of the American government in foreign conflicts, human behavior in response to a threat, killing millions to save billions, all this and more is dissected and exploded on-screen but never quite resolved.

In order to truly say you enjoyed the movie, I think you would have to say with confidence that you truly understood the philosophical underpinnings of the story.  I’m certain there are people out there who can say this with alacrity.  I, however, am not one of them.

Stylistically, the movie was rich.  The imagery, flashbacks, and music were all meticulous.  I thought a few of the musical selections were odd (specifically, “Hallelujah” sung by Leonard Cohen during a love scene.  I couldn’t help but wonder why they picked that song, and it’s a really odd song to listen to when two people are going at it) but not so much that I’d complain about it.

Overall, it’s an excellent movie.  It’s fun to watch if you’re already acquainted with the story (like Wes) or if you’re a newb (like me).  I have the feeling this will be a favorite movie in our house for a long time.

The rest of the date was awesome, too.  I nearly had to remove my husband’s hand when he tried to sneak some of my sour gummy belts (I loooooooove Sweet Factory sour gummy belts.  So much so that they are not for sharing.  Ever.) but the rest of the evening was a perfect date.  We’re tired after being out so late, and a considerable number of dollars lighter, but we’re happy.  Money and time well spent.

Dear Pandora,

You are a free Internet radio station.  This is pretty cool, especially considering that for you, the tunes never stop.  I never have to interrupt my groove to listen to the jingle from Sleep Country USA, nor do I have to harsh my Radiohead buzz by listening to Pierre Money Mart entice people into horrible loans they can’t afford.

You’re always available at any computer that’s equipped with speakers and the Internet, and I can’t even express how special that is.  I don’t have to worry about lugging my very decrepit CD collection into the office.  You’re easy to carry with me, you’re reliable, and you always play something good.

As if all of this wasn’t reason enough to love you, you are intelligent!  You listen to my likes, my dislikes, and pay attention to my favorite bands.  You take this information very seriously and use it to create a custom playlist full of gems I’ve never heard but instantly love.  I never knew how similar Pink Floyd could be to Radiohead but you showed me the way.

You?  Are fantastic.  Never change.

There’s only one small problem that I’d like to discuss with you before I sign my farewell: Why do you think I like The Strokes so much?  I listed Muse, Radiohead, Modest Mouse, Damien Rice, and Elliott Smith as my favorite artists and for some reason this indicated to you that I have a thing for The Strokes.

This is not the case.  If I wanted to hear The Strokes every other song, I would have included them as one of my favorite artists.  I neither like them nor dislike them, and it is this exact indifference that makes it difficult for me to give you a definitive thumbs-down for every one of their songs you subject me to.

Now, I understand that you’re a free service.  I am fully cognizant of the fact that this limits my ability to demand that you stop forcing The Strokes upon me like unwelcome house guests.  In the interest of enriching and improving our brand-new (though very promising) relationship, though, let’s have a little less of The Strokes and a little more of the good stuff.

Sound fair?  I hope so.

Hugs and kisses,

Erika Mitchell

Acquiescing to the recommendations of many, Wes and I watched the first season of Bones this weekend.  This show could have gone either way for me.  On the one hand, I love me some forensic anthropology.  On the other, I cannot stand Zooey Deschanel and her sister looks (and speaks, for that matter) a bit too much like her for me to like her out of hand.

Don’t ask me why I can’t stand one of the arguably most adorable and likeable actresses in the world.  I just don’t.  I’m sure she’s a lovely person in real life, I just can’t stand her acting.  She’s always smug and aggressively quirky and it grates on my nerves like no one’s business.

Anyway, Bones.  In my humble opinion, the show has some really interesting cases.  It’s always a bonus when your choice of mind-numbing relaxation helps you learn strange facts you can use to turn everyday conversations into awkward silences (Wanna know the correct way to slit someone’s neck? being an optimal example).

Aside from the cases, though, there was really nothing that held our interest.  There’s this strange, hammed-up battle being waged between the Feds and the scientists that you’re plunged right into and that never really rings true.  Why would you be so rude to the agency that signs your paychecks?

The characters are likewise stilted, at least at the beginning.  The main character is overtly written to be the hardcore-scientist-who-cares-for-nothing-but-data type and, even though she’s supposedly written a book with steamy love scenes in it, you honestly can’t imagine her being any more sensual than, say, a box of Macaroni & Cheese.

If we hadn’t had nothing else to watch, we probably wouldn’t have made it through the rest of the season.  I’m glad we did, though, because the end of the season was much stronger than the beginning.  We may actually watch the second season, once we’re through with NCIS.  Supposedly, NCIS is the second coming of TV shows so we’re excited to take a peek.  Of course, as with everything else, you can expect my opinion on that to come soon.

Aside from watching Bones, Wes and I had a very busy weekend.  We watched The Pursuit of Happyness on Saturday (do not even get me started on that ruinous heap of wasted time) and ate tortellinis (of Wes’ making) and creme brulee (of my own).  We spent the holiday the way we spend most of our time together: Laughing and eating.

The rest of the weekend was spent running errands, cleaning, doing yardwork, and coding this blog.  Now it’s Monday and I still feel like I could use another weekend right about now.  Either that or a martini.  Maybe a martini and a vacation.  Yes, I could definitely use a martini and a vacation right now.