When I imagined going to Israel, I really thought I was going to the desert. I expected camels, sand, and plam trees. I was not expecting a country so chock-full of different climates and topography that you could go cross-eyed just looking out the window of your car.

I mean, would you look at that to the left?! It looks like Mexico, for crying out loud! This is Caesaria maritime, where Paul stood trial and famously said, “I appeal to Caesar”.

Isn’t it beautiful, though? The water is so clear I honestly would have thought we were in the Caribbean if I didn’t know any better. Israel is so cool because you can go as far back in history as the book of Exodus all the way to the distant-maybe-not-so-distant-no-one-really-knows future:

This is us standing on a hill in Nazareth looking out over Megiddo (a.k.a. where it’s all going down during the Apocalypse). It’s so green and not desert-y! It’s this gigantic valley where all the armies of the world will someday meet up. Napoleon once remarked after looking out at this valley that it was the most perfect battlefield he’d ever seen.

As you can see, the Israeli people are putting the land to beautiful good use in the meantime.

So as I said, we went all the way from the past (Caesaria maritime) to the future (Megiddo) to the very Gates of Hell…

…What? You don’t believe me?! We took a picture! This, my friends, is the Gates of Hell.

This was taken at a place called Banias. There used to be a Greek temple there and the Greeks threw sacrifices into this cave. They called it the Gates of Hell because over to the right in the cave is a very deep hole that goes all the way down to the headwaters of the Jordan River. The Greeks believed that if the water that flowed out of the ground was bloody the day after a sacrifice the gods were pleased with the sacrifice. They were, however, out of luck in regards to having non-bloody water to drink for the rest of the day.

I guess it gives new meaning to the phrase, “The sweet taste of success”.

One of the highlights of our grand journey was Petra. The whole place is a masterpiece and I think you could honestly spend a week exploring it. The people who carved all these things out of the rock, the Nabateans, used scaffolds to hoist themselves up there and then they tapped at the rock until it turned into a masterpiece.

Petra is located in Jordan and the Jordanians rely on it to bring a steady stream of wealthy tourists into their country. They have excavated about 5% of the underground city in about 10 years, which indicates that either the underground city is gigantic or they need to step it up a notch. If the outside is any indication, the inner city must be incredible and I, for one, am anxious to see it.

When you visit there you think you must have stepped into another dimension. There are horses, mules, and camels everywhere and there are young children strolling up and down the roads offering to sell you rocks (”Just one American dollar!”).

The primary reason for having so many animals there is to give people a ride back up to the parking lot after they’ve trekked down to see the city. The first half of Petra that you see is the Necropolis and was built exclusively to house the remains of dead people. You have to hike for about an hour to even reach the part where people actually lived. By the time most people make it to the living part of the city they’re exhausted and appreciate the help getting back to their buses.

The picture you see above was taken in front of The Monastery. To reach it, you have to climb up a huge flight of carved stone stairs. This looks easier than it is. Wes and I were running short on time but saw people hiking up and thought we’d try too. The funny thing was, I had no idea what we were climbed toward. I kept going up and up these stairs until finally I said to Wes, “What are we even doing?!” You see, I am not an athlete and as such do not willingly consent to get sweaty unless it’s for a good reason. He, along with many others, assured me that there was something really cool at the top so on we went even though our legs were shaking and our hearts were beating too fast.

These stairs look a lot prettier when you haven’t climbed a trillion of them. As we went, we passed a number of bedouin women selling trinkets on the side of the trail. Passing us on either side were boys leading mules up the stairs. These mules carried the tourists who were either too tired or smart to try climbing the stairs on their own.

One of the mules was led by a little girl who stopped her mule next to us and started talking to Wes in Arabic and gesturing at the ground. He saw that she’d dropped her riding stick and picked it up for her. She responded with huge smile and said to us, “Shukrrrran” (Thank you in Arabic) with the most extravagantly rolled r I’ve heard. It was beyond cute and for some reason that’s stuck with me almost more than the pain from the climb.

When we got to the top, we barely had time to take a picture before we had to run down the mountain again. We did, however, meet a guy from Iraq who was really nice. He snapped the picture you see above and asked me to take a photo of him with Wes. When he told us he was from Iraq he looked a little nervous, like we might try to push him off the mountain or something, but we were all on our good manners and everything turned out fine. Somewhere in the world, there’s a picture of Wes standing with some random dude in the middle of Petra and this makes me smile.

So let’s talk about Jordan for a minute. We visited this country for about three days and let me tell you, that was enough.

It’s a comparitively small country (compared to America) and is about the size of Indiana. What makes it interesting is that there’s pretty much nothing there. It’s almost all desert.

There’s a small bit of arable land, next to the Jordan River that divides Israel and Jordan, but the rest is empty and dry. It is full of animals, though. We drove by more livestock there than I’ve ever seen in my life. This is a picture of some of the sheep we saw but we also saw camels, goats, and cows as well.

When we crossed over into Jordan we were all a little nervous. We were, after all, in the Middle East where America is not the most popular country. Our apprehension increased when, at the border crossing, our tour guide took our passports and disappeared for awhile. He brought them back, but I was a little nervous about handing mine over. While we were there at the border crossing most of the ladies took the opportunity to use the facilities while waiting for their passports to come back.

Let me tell you, the bathrooms were truly…well…they left us speechless. They were essentially holes in the ground. I was surprised when some of the ladies, nice women I knew from church, were not fazed at all by the holes. Apparently, this style of toilet is not uncommon outside the U.S. When it was my turn to use the facilities, I laughed out loud when I realized that there was no toilet paper. There was, however, a conveniently placed hose. Because you wouldn’t want to leave a lady without options, would you?

An interesting thing about being in Israel and Jordan was that there were a lot of bedouins there. There have been bedouins in the Middle East for thousands of years and for the most part they continue their transient existence regardless of which wars make or destroy the countries they live in.

It’s a lifestyle I’ll never understand. The girls are considered marriage material as young as 13 and once married their life consists of running the camp and raising the children. The men shepherd their flocks and when resources run out in one area they move on.

In learning about the bedouins, I realized that the Middle East is a place I’m not sure many people can understand. Everything is different there, even the very basis of logic is different. When we were driving through a little town in Jordan (Madaba, if you’re curious) we saw a fountain that contained the well-known star and crescent symbol of Islam. In place of the star, however, was a globe and the message chilled me a bit.

In fact, in Jordan, your religion must be listed on your identification and Muslims are forbidden by the government to convert to other religions. This kind of thing would never stand in the West but that’s just how they roll over there.

While we were driving, we noticed some smoke on the horizon. When we drove by we realized it was a stack of tires on fire. We snapped a picture of it and I included it because it reminds me of the scary smoke monster on Lost.

I have to say, though, that overall the service in the hotels and restaurants was a lot better in Jordan than in Israel. In Israel, they have a very European take-you-or-leave-you kind of mentality and you’re not likely to get a smile from most people.

In Jordan, however, there were tons of smiles and a lot of terrible pick-up lines. One of the women in our group was offered 50 camels for her hand in marriage! She, being the savvy negotiator she is, asked if they were good camels or stuffed camels and the guy laughed and walked away. It is, after all, important not to settle.