Ok, here’s the deal: I’m leaving tomorrow and flying to Washington DC. I’ll be leaving at 5:30am (Ooooh, it hurts to write that) and away from a computer until Saturday. Now, if I were an awesome blogger I’d have two blog posts lined up and ready to go so that none of you would even know that I’m gone.

The thing is, I’m not an awesome blogger right now. I’m a tired, over-wrought blogger anxious about the prospect of hauling my tired self to the airport at 3:30am tomorrow morning. Seriously, that’s so early in the morning it makes me tired to even think about it.

So, this blog will be quiet for a couple days. I know I know, Boo on me and all that. I’m sorry, but I still have two blog posts to edit, dinner to cook, and a suitcase to pack. That being said, can I possibly pacify you all with the promise of pictures and stories when I get back?

My job is sending me to a conference that aims to educate young voters about the economic issues present in our country right now. Seriously, if I don’t come home with loads to talk about I’m not worth my salt as a blogger at all. I may be the only Republican attending the conference so if I don’t come home with food in my hair I probably didn’t do a very good job. Wish me luck, comrades, I’m going in.

How could I forget to post the picture of me riding a camel?! As per my usual, if there’s an animal around I can be counted on to try to either a) domesticate it, b) talk to it, or c) ride it, so why would our trip to Israel be any different?

This particular camel was in front of the caves at Qumran, where they found the Dead Sea Scrolls.

The camel’s owner wanted to charge us $5 to sit on the camel but the lady in front of me fearlessly negotiated him down to $1 and so we all took advantage of her good negotiating.

Man, camels are tall! I’ve been riding horses since I could hold my head up but I was actually pretty darn nervous being up that high. The camel was chained to the sign-post but the chain was really flimsy, more decorative than anything, and I was certain that if I looked at him the wrong way it’d be “Adios, guy with the stick!” and me and my camel friend would go lopping off into the sunset.

All that being said, sitting on a camel was everything I thought it’d be: smelly, tall, and vaguely alarming. I liked it, though, and if I ever get the chance again I’d like to actually ride one. The way they walk (all slopey and gangly) I think it’d be awesome fun.

I also wanted to write briefly about one of my personal highlights from the trip. We were sailing around the Red Sea and enjoying the day when the sailors put on some music they thought we’d like. It was disco (why do foreigners all assume that Americans are still crazy for disco?) and we tolerated it for about three hours.

The playlist must have run out at some point, though, because suddenly there was Metallica in our midst (Fade to Black, if you must know.) The guy changed the song but I yelled at him and he switched it back. The music was considerably better after that and when Led Zepplin started playing I knew we’d made it.

I can’t really explain how other-wordly yet unspeakably cool it was to cruise around the Red Sea while listening to “Stairway to Heaven,” but trust me when I say that it was beyond cool. If you ever get the chance I recommend it with both hands and feet.

This may be my final post about our Israel trip. Not because I’ve run out of stuff to talk about but because I have new things to talk about and it’s really hard to convey the sheer awesome of the trip.

So eyes, look your last upon our photos from Israel. If you want to see more, well, I guess you’ll just have to come over for dinner and a slideshow or something.

Anyhoodle, This photo was taken on the steps that led up to the original Temple. This is an authentic site where we know for a fact that Jesus taught. It was really hot there that day so I hope he had a fan or mister or something while he was teaching because that could have gotten uncomfortable real quick.

I included this picture because it has members of our tour group in it and it’s our group I want to discuss today. I noticed an interesting thing happening amongst our tour group members and now it’s time to share: Tour Group Communism.

You see, when you pack for a long journey you take only what you can forsee needing (and, ostensibly, don’t forget the single most important item in your beauty arsenal like I did because apparently I’m a glutton for carrying around huge hairy eyebrows for two weeks).

As I was saying, you take the stuff you think you’ll need. Sometimes, issues arise during the trip that necessitate the use of things you didn’t think you’d need. This is where the communism comes in. About three days into the trip, everyone started getting this nasty cold and there was a roaring trade in cold/flu pharmaceuticals. Over breakfast we’d all compare inventories and then trade/barter our way to the best meds.

Among the ladies there was a lot of exchanging of beauty products. I, for one, borrowed a friend’s tweezers twice so that I could clear-cut the out-of-control eyebrows that were threatening to take over my whole face. Other people asked for and received nail polish, nail clippers, concealer, and hair products. We all did what we could to maintain the gorgeous visages our husbands have come to know and adore.

Food was another commodity that became open for exchange. If someone bought a package of dates, suddenly the bus was awash with dates and everyone was asking where they should go to spit out the pit. If another person found a good deal on shwarma (think of a kosher gyro) recommendations were disseminated to the masses.

It was a fascinating study in group behavior dynamics and I for one am so glad the communist tendencies went to a happy place. I think it would have put a damper on the trip if we’d gone all Animal Farm on one another.

When I imagined going to Israel, I really thought I was going to the desert. I expected camels, sand, and plam trees. I was not expecting a country so chock-full of different climates and topography that you could go cross-eyed just looking out the window of your car.

I mean, would you look at that to the left?! It looks like Mexico, for crying out loud! This is Caesaria maritime, where Paul stood trial and famously said, “I appeal to Caesar”.

Isn’t it beautiful, though? The water is so clear I honestly would have thought we were in the Caribbean if I didn’t know any better. Israel is so cool because you can go as far back in history as the book of Exodus all the way to the distant-maybe-not-so-distant-no-one-really-knows future:

This is us standing on a hill in Nazareth looking out over Megiddo (a.k.a. where it’s all going down during the Apocalypse). It’s so green and not desert-y! It’s this gigantic valley where all the armies of the world will someday meet up. Napoleon once remarked after looking out at this valley that it was the most perfect battlefield he’d ever seen.

As you can see, the Israeli people are putting the land to beautiful good use in the meantime.

So as I said, we went all the way from the past (Caesaria maritime) to the future (Megiddo) to the very Gates of Hell…

…What? You don’t believe me?! We took a picture! This, my friends, is the Gates of Hell.

This was taken at a place called Banias. There used to be a Greek temple there and the Greeks threw sacrifices into this cave. They called it the Gates of Hell because over to the right in the cave is a very deep hole that goes all the way down to the headwaters of the Jordan River. The Greeks believed that if the water that flowed out of the ground was bloody the day after a sacrifice the gods were pleased with the sacrifice. They were, however, out of luck in regards to having non-bloody water to drink for the rest of the day.

I guess it gives new meaning to the phrase, “The sweet taste of success”.

One of the highlights of our grand journey was Petra. The whole place is a masterpiece and I think you could honestly spend a week exploring it. The people who carved all these things out of the rock, the Nabateans, used scaffolds to hoist themselves up there and then they tapped at the rock until it turned into a masterpiece.

Petra is located in Jordan and the Jordanians rely on it to bring a steady stream of wealthy tourists into their country. They have excavated about 5% of the underground city in about 10 years, which indicates that either the underground city is gigantic or they need to step it up a notch. If the outside is any indication, the inner city must be incredible and I, for one, am anxious to see it.

When you visit there you think you must have stepped into another dimension. There are horses, mules, and camels everywhere and there are young children strolling up and down the roads offering to sell you rocks (“Just one American dollar!”).

The primary reason for having so many animals there is to give people a ride back up to the parking lot after they’ve trekked down to see the city. The first half of Petra that you see is the Necropolis and was built exclusively to house the remains of dead people. You have to hike for about an hour to even reach the part where people actually lived. By the time most people make it to the living part of the city they’re exhausted and appreciate the help getting back to their buses.

The picture you see above was taken in front of The Monastery. To reach it, you have to climb up a huge flight of carved stone stairs. This looks easier than it is. Wes and I were running short on time but saw people hiking up and thought we’d try too. The funny thing was, I had no idea what we were climbed toward. I kept going up and up these stairs until finally I said to Wes, “What are we even doing?!” You see, I am not an athlete and as such do not willingly consent to get sweaty unless it’s for a good reason. He, along with many others, assured me that there was something really cool at the top so on we went even though our legs were shaking and our hearts were beating too fast.

These stairs look a lot prettier when you haven’t climbed a trillion of them. As we went, we passed a number of bedouin women selling trinkets on the side of the trail. Passing us on either side were boys leading mules up the stairs. These mules carried the tourists who were either too tired or smart to try climbing the stairs on their own.

One of the mules was led by a little girl who stopped her mule next to us and started talking to Wes in Arabic and gesturing at the ground. He saw that she’d dropped her riding stick and picked it up for her. She responded with huge smile and said to us, “Shukrrrran” (Thank you in Arabic) with the most extravagantly rolled r I’ve heard. It was beyond cute and for some reason that’s stuck with me almost more than the pain from the climb.

When we got to the top, we barely had time to take a picture before we had to run down the mountain again. We did, however, meet a guy from Iraq who was really nice. He snapped the picture you see above and asked me to take a photo of him with Wes. When he told us he was from Iraq he looked a little nervous, like we might try to push him off the mountain or something, but we were all on our good manners and everything turned out fine. Somewhere in the world, there’s a picture of Wes standing with some random dude in the middle of Petra and this makes me smile.