I watched a video on MSN today about a woman who lost her mind, dressed up in a cow suit (complete with fake udders) and ran around her neighborhood pooping on people’s lawns and terrorizing little children. When the police apprehended her they reported that she smelled strongly of alcohol, which surprised no one.
Now, I can’t decide if this is a mind-blowingly amazing story or a very sad story. On the one hand, it’s hilarious. On the other hand, it’s likely the beginning of the end for someone’s tenuous grasp of sanity.
Honestly, though, I probably wouldn’t think it was very funny if it was my kids who were getting chased around by a daft woman wearing a cow suit and spewing obscenities. I’d probably be the first to go outside and threaten to kick her right in the udders if she didn’t back off.
Now that the novelty has worn off, I wonder a few things about this woman:
- Is someone watching that video right now and wondering how Aunt May broke out of the house again?
- Did this person keep the cow suit handy or was this a perfect confluence of opportunity and alcohol?
- If this person was completely normal before the cow-suit incident, were there warning signs? I wonder what those would be. Perhaps a peculiar affinity for chewing the same thing four different times?
- Do you think the children who were terrorized by this woman will need therapy? Will we see one of them acting out by obsessively tipping cows over in a few years?
- Wouldn’t it be awesome if it turned out this woman was the principal of a local elementary school?
That’s all for now. Should I traipse across the answers to these questions I will of course post them for your edification.