Covert Organics

Don’t hold me to this or anything, but I’ve recently taken to breaking from work for a quick walk whenever the sun starts shining.  The sun by no means guarantees warmth, but the sensation of sunlight on my face, too long forgotten here at the tail end of winter, is too decadent to pass up.

The funny thing about where I work is that it is literally a stone’s throw from from I went to college.  The Starbucks you can see from our street is the same one I had virtually every study meeting at.  The grocery store next to said Starbucks?  Where I bought strange Chinese food if I was ever feeling a mite peckish.  The road I drive every single day to get to work?  The same road I used to drive every single day to go to school (albeit going in the other direction).

Small world, right?

Apparently not small enough, because it took me a full year of working there to make the connection.  I had even been to the same Starbucks I used to attend in college and failed to realize it was the same one!  The reason for this lapse in deductive reasoning?  I used to drive in from a different driveway and didn’t recognize the building coming from that direction.


Now that I actually know where I am in the world, I delight in taking walks around the areas I’d always been too busy to properly explore when I was in school.  I decided to try a new street today and it deposited me squarely in the lap of a PCC I had no idea existed right around the corner!  I walked in and perused the selection for a short while and was struck by how drab everything in that store is.

Why do organic and “natural” food packagers think green and brown are appetizing colors?  Everything in that store is either green, brown, or some muddled combination of both.  Who is titillated by the color of mud and moss?  Is anyone’s appetite tantalized by looking at the colors you can easily see in any puddle?

I was just curious about that.  That packaging turns me off immediately.  I have no desire to eat something that looks drab and boring.  I like my food zesty, lively, full of pep and vigor!  I don’t want to get depressed every time I look at my box of Organic O’s.

Maybe I’m in the minority.  Maybe for most Americans, those colors represent ethical manufacturing practices, quality ingredients, and happy baby seals.  All I want to know is why they fear primary and jewel tones so much.

Why not throw a dash of blue or purple on those bad boys?  I reckon a splash of red or orange is just what those whole-wheat toaster pasties need.  I think a frisson of yellow would perk those organic napkins right up.  Grab a box of crayons and hire a tribe of toddlers to redecorate, the results can’t be anything but an improvement.  Just because your products don’t have preservatives doesn’t mean they can’t have taste.

Most consumers don’t need to use their boxes of good-for-the-planet graham crackers for camouflage should enemy fire break out in suburbia.  Trust me on this.  That’s what we carry zip guns for.

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