Daydreams of Browbeating

3383af5aac2e00c735ffd0295d7e4e6eI was on the road the other day, driving incognito (which is my fancy way of saying I was driving my husband’s Camry instead of my customary minivan) and minding my own business when I noticed the car in front of me weaving. That distracted tilt-a-whirl jerking back into the middle after drifting off to either side weaving I’m sure everyone has seen before.

Simple curiosity urged me to catch up to the weaver in the other lane, and that’s when I saw it. A tan, skinny arm. A bright green phone at the end of it. All of which connected to a teenage girl wearing aggressive aviators and looking up every once in awhile at the road.

There’s nothing quite as comforting as knowing there’s a teenage driver in an SUV who’s paying scant attention to the road.

I decided the safest place was behind her, so I merged back and was treated to a satisfying variety plate of dangerous driving behaviors. She changed lanes without using her blinker, cut people off, sped up to at least 50 mph in a 35 mph area, changed lanes in an intersection, and then, to top it off, took the carpool on-ramp onto the freeway even though she was riding solo.

It was impressive how much she was able to accomplish in such a short length of road. She must have finished texting.

I’ll admit, I really, badly, wanted to pull a Dwight Schrute and put a cherry bulb on the roof of my car so I could pull her over and make a citizen’s arrest. Or, at the very least, browbeat her soundly for making teenage drivers everywhere look bad.

Instead, I kept a prudent distance and said a quick prayer for everyone on the road with her. Egads.

Is it wrong to hope a police officer pulls her over soon, and then fines her double when she attempts to cry her way out of multiple tickets?

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