I’m not sure if you’ve heard, but apparently there’s a recession going on. They’re playing it kind of coy in the media, but if you know what to listen for you’ll hear about it (let it be known that my tongue is so far in cheek at this point that it’s almost like that scene from Alien except with my mouth instead of some dude’s belly). I guess they’re making a bunch of budget cuts in Washington state (where Wes and I currently live) and it’s hitting the public education system among other things.
I guess one of those unfortunate other things getting the axe is summer, because I’m looking out my window on the grayest, nastiest, rainiest mid-May day I’ve ever seen. I have no idea how much money this state’s government is saving by giving summer the boot but it had better be a small fortune because dude. I don’t think I’m gonna make it to next Christmas unless I either have a really nice summer or a whole bunch of free vodka every month.
Let me paint you a picture. It’s May 19th, and our heroine is driving home from work. It’s raining, she’s got her wipers on intermittently, and she fully intends to make it home safely.
Enter monsoon.
About ten minutes away from home, the heavens open up and it’s like some lazy movie-set extra just turned on a fire hose instead of the rain machine. Water starts sheeting down our heroine’s windshield while she’s embroiled in a mid-week commute on a normally very brisk highway. Traffic slows to half its normal speed and even that feels too fast as our heroine’s cheap, Korean-made car hydroplanes and struggles to stay in one lane.
Our heroine, intrepid as always, turns the windshield wipers to the fastest setting and pays very close attention to the road. Confident in her inclement weather driving skills, she feel calm and skilled. Until the rain starts coming down harder.
The windshield wipers already wiping at capacity but still essentially worthless, cars around her start veering into other lanes and traffic slows even further. Hands clenched firmly on the wheel, our heroine does what any sane person would do in this situation: she cranks up the radio (which just happens to be playing one of Avril Lavigne’s songs), screams out the words to some sugary pop song, and hopes she makes it out of this alive even though she can’t even see the road anymore.
After what feels like an eternity of driving in this weather (but is really probably about two minutes) the storm passes and our heroine immediately picks up her phone and tells her father all about it, because apparently she likes worrying him to pieces. Inclement weather can be fun, but only if you like wondering whether your car will sink before it makes it to the other end of that gigantic puddle.
As you can see, life without summer, much like a life on drugs, is a life wasted. All that worry about whether or not some car would sideswipe her preoccupied our heroine when she could have been coming up with her next brilliant idea with which to wow people.
Obviously this state cannot afford to have its citizens distracted by crappy weather, so listen up Washington state law makers: Cancel something else, but leave summer alone. We need it. We may never solve cancer unless you leave our summer alone. Many thanks in advance.
(for Kindle)
(printed book)
8 comments
Comment by Blanche on May 20, 2009 at 10:02 am
Here’s some sunshine in a can…
Three ways Erika has changed my life:
1. Brownies. Many Brownies. (Why do I keep typing brownie as browning?)
2. Franz Ferdinand. The local semi-indie radio station I listen to in the car played one of their songs yesterday as I was driving home. And I actually had heard of them, which made me feel oh so hip and with it, thanks to Erika.
3. That awful family picture website. The Today Show popped up a preview on a later (i.e. after I leave for work) featuring said internet sensation. And again thanks to Erika, I felt special for having known about it before it was promoted on mass media.
Not as good as the real schwartz, but better than powdered and reconstituted schwartz.
Comment by Belly Girl on May 20, 2009 at 10:07 am
I read the most random tip the other day about driving in crazy pouring torrential rain: put your sunglasses on. Apparently you can’t really see the rain when they are on, just the road. We don’t get too much insane rain in Colorado, so I haven’t been able to test it out, but let me know how it goes! :)
Comment by Erika on May 20, 2009 at 10:16 am
-Blanche, I think this might possibly be the absolute sweetest comment ever, it WAS a can of sunshine! I’m so glad I can keep you on the cutting-edge of coolness. What’s funny is those were both featured on Things That Do Not Suck Thursdays :) Ahh brownies, how did women ever cope before they were readily available? Probably opium.
-Belly Girl, Seriously? Wow, that’s crazy enough it just might work! I’ll have to try it and let you know, how cool would I look cruising down the road wearing sunglasses during a monsoon?
Comment by April on May 20, 2009 at 1:15 pm
God I hate driving in a monsoon. I tend to hydroplane, which should totally be terrifying enough the first time it happens to make me drive like an eighty-year old on muscle relaxants for the rest of my life. But no. I hydroplane at least once a year. There’s really nothing like flying across the road sideways to really get the blood pumping.
I’m in NH and REALLY lucky to be having sinfully delicious summer weather right now. But it’s NH, so now that I’ve let the cat out of the bag, it will probably start to snow in the next 15 minutes.
Comment by Erika on May 20, 2009 at 1:19 pm
-April, Hydroplaning is terrifying, you kind of hold your breath for a second and everything moves really slow. It’s so frustrating to only be able to go 25 mph on a highway though! Oh my goodness, we did have snow here last month and it was hailing yesterday. It’s enough to make a person want to move to Arizona!
Comment by Matt on May 20, 2009 at 5:02 pm
It’s TOO sunny here… take some of ours! My Irish skin hates it!
/Our budget is just as bad. Swartz wants to sell everything not nailed down, and fire the rest. That, and FIND SARAH CONNER!
Comment by Erika on May 20, 2009 at 8:08 pm
-Matt, Ha! Just watch, when I come down to visit in two weeks it’ll be cloudy and rainy. I always seem to bring the crap weather when I come down. I’m so glad you went there with the Terminator joke, someone should always go there when discussing the governor of California.