I was chatting with my sister in law last night about first babies. Specifically, the way having a baby can really mess with your head those first few days. I’ve made no secret of the fact that I struggled during Aidan’s first days. I loved him, and I felt very loved and taken care of, but the drastic change in my life and routine sent my head spinning.
As our new routine emerged, I eased into my new life. It looked nothing like my pre-baby life, but it was no less fulfilling for being different. Every day helps me feel a little more like I’ve got a handle on my new life as a mother, and I can’t even tell you how good that feels. Aidan and I have a lot of fun together, and even though I’m not perfect I know my little guy is healthy, happy, and learning. Good enough, in my opinion.
What I haven’t gotten a handle on yet is being a wife too. Before Aidan was born, I feel like I was a pretty good wife. Wes and I devoted a lot of time to each other and to our marriage. It’s very easy to give a ton of attention to your spouse when there’s no adorable little baby to steal the show.
It’s been almost six weeks since Aidan joined our world, and Wes and I still have yet to go on a date. We are terrific parents to our baby, and we help one another as much as possible, but we’ve definitely gotten out of practice paying attention to one another. So, we’re going on a date! A real date, with just the two of us, where we make eye contact and get to eat at the same time without one of us holding the baby.
According to Wes, we’re going to go on a quest for the best burger in Seattle. Sounds like fun, no? Is it weird, then, that I feel anxious? I’ll be expected to converse with my husband, and I have nothing to talk about except Aidan. I am the most boring person on the planet, how am I possibly going to make sparkling conversation with my husband?
Maybe the first post-baby date is supposed to be a little rough? Maybe everyone gets out of practice being spouses when they’re getting used to being new parents? I don’t know. What I do know is I could use some good conversation topics for my first post-baby date with my husband. Any of you have any good topics of conversation? Any cool tidbits you’ve learned? Random facts? Gossip or news items? Help!
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4 comments
Comment by Syd on April 5, 2010 at 8:05 pm
My husband and I like to watch people and try to make up stories about them, especially based on the shoes they are wearing. Sounds weird but it’s just a silly thing we talk about when we are out and about. We also talk about food a lot, just in general. Anyway, it sounds like fun finding the best burger in Seattle. Just remember to try to be in the moment and have fun!
By the way, I love reading your updates. I’m looking forward to going through the same things you are now in just a few short months. I may have to ask for the same advice by mid-summer. :)
Comment by Missy on April 6, 2010 at 5:14 am
It’s tough because, really all you want to talk about is the baby. It may sound weird, but you may want to open the conversation asking him how HIS life has shifted in the past 6 weeks. Often the daddies feel a little out of it (even the super-hands-on ones) especially if mommy is home with the baby all day every day.
Non baby topics may include future trip/vacation plans (even if they’re just fantasies at this point), playing the what will we do when we win the lottery game, figuring out the next stop in the quest for Seattle’s best burger (and revisiting former contenders). Just be aware that it all comes back to Aidan in the end and that’s OK. Give yourself permission for the (slightly awkward) silences and to enjoy an unhurried meal together. Have fun!
Comment by Blanche on April 6, 2010 at 5:37 am
I dunno. I know it’s hard sometimes to find a topic of conversation on the phone for DH and I when he’s off on a work trip, and sometimes it isn’t, but I don’t know what makes the difference.
Missy’s suggestions seem pretty good to me, so I vote for her answer.
Comment by Erika on April 6, 2010 at 8:48 am
-Syd, That sounds like a very fun way to pass the time on a date! I imagine that both people have to be rather inclined toward story-telling to make it work, how fun that you and your husband can enjoy that together! I’m so excited for you, can’t wait to see your little one and hear all about life in the new-mommy fast lane!
-Missy, Thanks for the excellent suggestions! I don’t know why, but getting permission for it to all come circling back to Aidan in the end makes me feel better. Compulsive rule follower much?
-Blanche, If I stumble onto conversation topic gold, I’ll be sure to share with you for when your little girl is here :)