The Illusion That It’s Up to Me

I have a lot of ambition. Big plans, big dreams, big goals. I’m almost always working on something and I have a difficult time being in the moment because I’m usually thinking through what comes next. It makes me kind of a pain to live with, I think. If anyone I live with is thinking of complaining, though, I’d like to note that I’m married to an entrepreneur so, you know, people in glass houses and all that.

Some of my goals for the next year are as follows: I’d like to write at least one more new manuscript (my current new manuscript, Bai Tide, is going through beta reader revisions. Hooray!), preferably two, all in the same series as Bai Tide. I have a really good story and character arc planned for the intrepid Bai Hsu from Blood Money and I think it’d be fun to try my hand at a series. So, there’s goal number one: One, but preferably two, new manuscripts next year.

Goal two: Pitch my new book(s) to an agent and get one to sign me.

Goal three: A really excellent book contract that’ll qualify me for the International Thriller Writers.

Goal four: Attend the PNWA Writers Conference, and maybe the International Thriller Writers Conference, both of which happen in July. Only one of which happens in New York City.

Goal Five: Win either the Nancy Pearl award for Blood Money or the PNWA Literary Fiction contest for Bai Tide. Preferably both. Not sure how realistic this is but sometimes an outlandish goal is invigorating.

As you can see, all of my goals revolve around writing. My goals for 2013 were to get published by an actual publisher (check!) and lose the baby weight I gained with my daughter (just five pounds left to go!). So those are done, and it feels great to have those in the rear view.

If I can get published before I’m thirty and lose forty five pounds in seven months, who’s to say I can’t land a book contract and a kick-butt agent who’s going to help me get my work out there? As for the conferences and the awards, we’ll see. They’re not in my realm of control as much. But I can sure as heck make sure I get lots of new writing done this next year, and I can definitely query and pitch my little heart out until an agent takes notice of me. Lord willing, of course.

This, I think, is the hardest thing for me to do with my walk with Christ. To hand over the things and people nearest and dearest to me and ask Him to do what He thinks is best with them. I mean, I KNOW He’s wise and knows best, but it’s difficult for me to hand over the deepest wishes of my heart (to be a successful author) and acknowledge that this might not be what He’s planned for me.

So, I pray. I pray for guidance, inspiration, help, and direction. That doors will either open or close as He sees fit, and that He’ll kick me through the right ones when the time comes.

I might accomplish some of those goals this next year, I might not. I might have a great year, or I’ll have a year that has me limping to the next holiday season desperate for a break. I don’t know.

All I know for sure is that it feels good to dream big, and know that at the very least, I’m doing what I love. Whether or not I’ll ever be a household name is a separate issue. So long as I’ve got stories to write, I reckon I’m right where I need to be. The rest is up to Him.

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