That last post was a bit of a downer! Sorry about that. I usually stick to my policy of “Step away from the computer if you’re having a rough day” but I didn’t listen to myself yesterday and that’s what happened.
I’m feeling much more sane today. Wes and I went out for a date for the first time since early December and lo, it was magical. He called me to say he was on his way home and I asked him to see if his mother was available to watch Aidan so we could go out on a date. He called, she said she was, and we hightailed it to a local Chinese restaurant (we had a coupon) and feasted in peace!
It’s really incredible to me how important dates are now that we have a child. Pre-parenthood, Wes and I were really broke and we were lucky if we could go out on 2-3 dates a year. Now, though, they’ve become more or less a necessity. It’s just really hard to connect and enjoy your spouse as a spouse when you’re both embroiled in parenting.
It feels like sometimes it was easier to be married before we had kids. It was still work, what with the communicating and the honesty and the being nice, but we just had so much time to focus on each other.
With Aidan in the picture (which brightens up the whole picture, mind you) there’s just a whole lot more stuff that gets in the way. A whole lot more fatigue, stress, and general life things. Making time for one another is now a conscious thing we do, as opposed to being a mere byproduct of living together.
After I had Aidan, my midwife and I were discussing the huge change a baby brings to a marriage. She phrased it eloquently, saying that before you have kids it’s like you and your spouse are face to face, working together. When you have a baby, suddenly you and your spouse are back to back, each of you working on something, together but separate.
I think that’s why dates become so important for parents. A little time to face each other and remember your spouse not as a help-mate or as a parent, but as a person. An interesting person with funny things to say. And an attractive one, to boot.