In Loving Memory

DadMy Dad’s memorial is today and I’m sitting here in his kitchen procrastinating on getting ready.  I have the notes for my speech all written up, I’m trying to sate the butterflies in my stomach with sour gummy snacks (it’s not working), and I’m watching my husband and brother watch a program on UFO’s in the living room.

It’s the kind of program my Dad would have loved.

He passed away Thursday night.  My brother and I were there, holding his hands, and when he was gone I smoothed his hair back to the way he liked to wear it and closed his eyes.  Being here in his kitchen, knowing he’s not going to just come down from his room ready for the next adventure is surreal.  I was there when he passed, but the fact that he’s gone hasn’t sunk in.

He was a good man.  The best, really.  Quiet, quirky, moral, and skilled, he made his way through life with confidence in who he was.  He never apologized for being so quiet, or for enjoying the things he enjoyed.  He loved watching birds, sailing, and working with his hands.  He was marvelously talented, and he had the best sense of humor of almost anyone I know.

We’re going to miss him, and I have the feeling that the next year will be filled with moments when I wish he were there.  He was really excited to be a grandfather, and I have the feeling that when Squishy is born I’ll wish more than ever he were still around to meet him/her.

We take comfort in knowing he lived a very full, very good life.  We smile to know that he lives on through us, in our ridiculous senses of humor, our appreciation for nature, our skills with woodworking and cooking.  We’ll miss him, but we’ll also celebrate him.

7 thoughts on “In Loving Memory

  1. I’m glad you’re remembering the joy he brought into your lives. My parents always say that you should be happy for the recently departed because they are in a better place… But this can be hard. I hear losing a parent is one of the greatest losses, so I will be thinking of you.

  2. Erika, I wrote this same post last year. Celebrate what you can, cry when you need to, and don’t be surprised when the sadness catches you out of nowhere. But know that there are people thinking of you.

  3. Having almost lost both of my parents, and watching all of my grandparents die – I can feel your pain and am sitting here crying with and for you. Think of him with all of the sad and happy moments in your life. Cherish your time with squishy for both you. Know that you will be an amazing mother because of the lessons that he taught you.

    I know you have many shoulders to cry on, or people to laugh with, too, but if you need another, just let me know!

  4. Oh, love. With Glee re-airing tonight, Twitter is abuzz about Journey, which ALWAYS makes me think of you, and it occurred to me I hadn’t talked to you all week. I totally thought I had your blog in my reader, but I did not! Fixing that now.

    I am so sorry to hear this news. Sending you love from far away. I’m here if you want to talk.

  5. I am so sorry to hear this. I am sure your dad’s love and blessings will always be with Squishy. You know I am just an email/call away. Take care!

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