Insect Granny

In all my born days, I never thought I’d be the kind of person who would wax rhapsodic about something as inane as sunglasses. Surely the Erika of yore, back in her nascent blogger days, would have hung up her keyboard for good had she known it would lead to such dizzying heights of pointless navel gazing.

And yet, here we are.

My sunglasses story starts at the age of sixteen. I’d just been awarded my driver’s license and my mom and step father were taking me for a wee shopping spree to celebrate my birthday. I picked out a pair of rose-colored sunglasses and drove off into the sunset.

Now, most people lose their sunglasses or replace them in a year or two. Not me. I kept mine. They traveled to six different countries with me, from home to college to house, and shaded my eyes from the sun of a thousand summer days. I love my sunglasses.

They are, however, getting old. Faded. Maybe even dated. They don’t block out the sun as well as they used to, and I’m getting ever so tired of squinting outside.

The funny thing is, I think I hate squinting in the sun less than I hate shopping for sunglasses. What was once so easy is now the bain of my existence.

Why are all the sunglasses so large these days? Egads, they cover half your face! And the frames! You could club a man with those frames! They all make me look like either an insect or an old lady. I don’t know about you, but I do my best every day not to look like an octogenarian.

Hello, dear. Can I interest you in a Werther's?

Hello, dear. Can I interest you in a Werther’s?

I tried driving in a pair of fashionable large sunglasses and was dismayed to realize that the sides of the sunglasses were so thick that it was effectively like driving with blinders on. It was potential injury added to insult, in my opinion.

No, I don't have a carapace. How rude of you to ask.

No, I don’t have a carapace. How rude of you to ask.

I’m sticking with my old sunglasses for now. I figure in about ten more years, the fashion will swing back in a more practical direction and I’ll scoop up some new frames then. For now, though, I’ll be the hopelessly unhip woman walking around squinting behind sunglasses that haven’t been cool since the hipsters were wearing diapers.

(Assuming, of course, that the hipsters are all in high school.)

One thought on “Insect Granny

  1. I succumbed to the large sunglasses trend (tj maxx for the win on decent but very inexpensive polarized ones) – turns out the brown pair look much less massive than the black pair even though they are actually a slight bit bigger. Weird.

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