If the Apocalypse has kicked off its inaugural round of plagues, don’t ask me whether I know what’s going on because chances are excellent I have no idea.  If you’re curious about whether that revolutionary cure for lupus has been proven clinically safe, you might have better luck at another blog because I’ll just stare dumbly at you and ask if you have dinner plans.

But.  If the object of your inquiries involves pop culture at all, rest assured that I either know about it or will know it by the time you’re done asking.  I kicked my Perez Hilton habit about a year and a half ago and have never regretted the decision, but pop culture information is like a staph infection and you’re never really rid of it entirely.  I absorb it like a sponge and, while I’ll never remember the quadratic equation, at least I can tell you whether Madonna really is a zombie or not (current guess is that she’s not).

A good friend raised an issue in my comments section yesterday and I knew it for what it was: a cry for help.  A plea for assistance in discerning a mystery that only a person with my unique combination of skills (e.g. oodles of spare time and a knack for remembering celebrity trivia) could solve.

So!  Let us delve into the mystery of Zooey Deschanel and Katy Perry: Are they two people with very unoriginal stylists or are they one and the same person-whom-Erika-is-rather-unimpressed-with?  Let’s examine the evidence:

Defendant: People of the opinion that Zooey Deschanel and Katy Perry are two separate people

Prosecution: The United States of Heavens-to-Betsy-look-at-them-they’re-clearly-the-same-person

Exhibit A for the prosecution:

Zooey playing the banjo

As you can see, Zooey plays the banjo.

Katy playing guitar

Katy plays the guitar.  Clearly they’re the same person.

Defense rebuttal: This is ridiculous!  The banjo and guitar are very different!  One sounds all twangy and the other sounds cool and stuff.  Besides, Zooey looks demure when she’s playing and Katy looks a bit strung-out.

Exhibit B for the prosecution:

Zooey being aggressively quirky

This is obviously a very strange photo, and would only be taken by someone who actively tried to present herself in such a way as to reinforce the illusion that she is original and strange.

Katy being just plain aggressive

Here, you can see the defendant trying to distance herself from her alter-ago by showing her dangerous she is.  Clearly, though, this is the same trick with a new bow, as this is still atypical behavior for a normal human being and is merely a reiteration of the same aggressively quirky behavior.

Defense rebuttal: Nonsense!  Zooey’s just trying to make us laugh!  She’s funny!  And strange!  And Katy is…well…to be honest, she’s making us cross our legs just in case.

Exhibit C for the prosecution:

Look how adorable she thinks she is

Here, you see the defendant shoving the cuteness right in your face.  Look how adorable I am!  I’m so cute!  Love me!

Yet again, look how adorable she thinks she is

Here is another excellent example of the act of shoving the cuteness squarely at whoever will look.  It’s not exactly subtle to put hearts on your bottom.  Trust me, people will notice all on their own.

Defense rebuttal: Your opinions about fashion and the optimal placement of hearts aside, I see very little similar in these photos.  Zooey is merely proud of her pretty dress and Katy is being overt about an already overt embellishment.

Prosecution: The prosecution rests.

Defense: The defense rests as well.

Now it’s up to you, fair jury, to help my dear friend Dane out: Are Katy Perry and Zooey Deschanel really two people or are they one and the same?

Which cover takes the cake?

• Option 4! Wesley's design is superior. (3%, 3 Votes)
• Option 3! Isaiah's design brings me joy. (3%, 3 Votes)
• Option 2! Kira's design is my favorite. (5%, 5 Votes)
• Option 1! Daniel's design is perfection. (89%, 97 Votes)

Total Voters: 108

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