I’ve been off coffee for a good long while now.  I no longer get the shakes when I smell it, I don’t feel a small sad ache in my heart when I see the empty coffee pot every morning, and I can function sans coffee without feeling like I’ve been shot with a tranquilizer.

All in all, I’m doing pretty well for someone who was a strung-out detox-addled junkie just a few weeks ago.

Even still, I haven’t forgotten my sweet coffee.  The way the steam made everything feel alright in the morning.  The comforting heft of the warm coffee mug in my hand as I caught up on my blogs.  The sweet satisfaction of knowing that, when I finished the first cup, there’d always be a second one waiting for me.

Wes found a video this week that he thought I’d enjoy, and enjoy it I did.  I enjoyed it for a number of reasons, and that’s why it’s this week’s Thing That Does Not Suck.  For one, it’s in French (subtitled in English) and I feel that the French can get away with just a little more than other people because their language is so lovely.  For another thing, it’s about coffee, and how easy it is to have a little too much and lose your freaking mind.

The video captures perfectly the effortless way that coffee can insinuate itself into every time of day.  Who can say no to a nice cup of coffee?  Before you know it, you’ve had ten cups of coffee, your pupils are dilated to the size of teacup saucers, and your writing looks like it was done with a seismograph.

When I was in high school, I worked as a barista for a small cafe.  I manned the espresso machine with skill and dedication (it was one of the genuine espresso machines, where you have to froth the milk with nothing more than a wand and your expertise and pack the espresso perfectly so it would neither block the machine nor spew grounds everywhere) and was often in the store by myself.

A lot of cute boys lived in my neighborhood and one day, a whole lot of them ended up at my cafe.  They started daring one another who could drink the most espresso in one sitting.  Never one to let boys have all the fun, I whupped them all at nine shots.  The victory felt great until I felt like taking cocaine would be a great way to calm down a bit.

Just goes to show you that teenage girls get stupid when cute boys are around (as though anyone doubted that).  Anyway, enough yammering and on with the show!  I must warn you, though, that this video comes a bit unhinged at the end and there’s some (cartoon) violence and a teeny bit of profanity.  Fair warning.