Lemonade From Idiocy

In what is the ultimate turning lemons into blog lemonade, I now present to you my newest work: A Tale of Two Bumpers…

It was a cloudy Seattle day. I was stopped at a red light. I thought the traffic was moving (but was distracted because I was putting my hands-free headset on. According to state law, it’s safer to drive with this stupid thing in my ear. They fail to mention that in order to abide by this law and inhabit the 21st century you either need to drive with it in your ear constantly, which makes my ear hurt, or learn how to put it in while driving, which as you can see, is neither safe nor possible. In so many words, this law sucks) but it actually wasn’t and I drove right into a stopped pick-up truck.

The end.

Today I was involved in my very first it-was-my-fault car accident. Somewhere, my mother is pulling out her baby album and writing all these details down under the section, “Baby’s very first moving vehicle violation.”

I am so fortunate because not only was the guy whose truck I hit an absolute nice guy, his truck was not damaged. As for my car, it’s not pretty. Here’s the money shot:

Kermit, my trusty Kia car, will not be winning any beauty contests any time soon.

I was able to safely drive him home only to discover, upon asking Wes why our garage smelled like celery, that the radiator is cracked and is leaking antifreeze like it’s going out of style.
Can you believe that damage? I was going less than 5mph (because I only had 2feet to travel between me and the other car) and my car looks like it was rammed into the side of a tractor by The Hulk.

Of all the accidents to have, though, this was a good one to have. No one is injured (thank goodness!), the other guy’s car is fine, and we have excellent car insurance coverage thanks to my brother in law so we’re only going to have to pay our deductible out of pocket in order to get this whole mess cleaned up.

I only wish I weren’t such a moron. That’s the thing I keep coming back to. I mean, seriously, who in the blue blazes drives straight into the back of an unmoving vehicle because they thought traffic was moving and it wasn’t and they weren’t paying attention because they were trying to put in a headset?!

Of course, Wes has been amazing throughout this whole ordeal, as has my brother in law. Honestly, everyone in this whole situation has been angelic. The only person who hasn’t been very nice to me is me. I’m mad as heck at myself. In fact, I’m not even speaking to myself.

Oh, and you know what the almost worst part of it was? Right after the accident, when we were all pulled over and I reached into my purse to grab a pen, do you know what happened? This:

My purse decided it absolutely had had enough with this nonsense and broke. The strap just flopped right off. It couldn’t have given me one moment of peace in that situation, it just needed to bust the heck out.

So, while Wes is off at the autobody place to get Kermit some reconstructive surgery, I’m going to bust out some thread and a needle. After my expensive little foray into real-life bumper car-ing I don’t think Wes will be down with the idea of letting me go shopping for a new purse anytime soon.

If you, or someone you know, has ever been involved in a car accident, injury-causing or otherwise, please share your horror story in the comments section. It’ll make me feel like a lot less of an absolute imbecile and anything that helps in that endeavor is greatly appreciated at this time.

11 thoughts on “Lemonade From Idiocy

  1. I’ve been involved in my fair share of accidents. Silly to say the least, but I think I will share one that doesn’t involve me…

    A friend of mine will never wear shorts again. This is because of a car accident and a spider. He was driving to a rehearsal or something, and stopped behind someone else. Both cars are at a full and complete stop. Suddenly, Alex’s car goes jerking forward while he is slapping at his leg. There was a spider on his leg and his immediate arachnaphobic response is to lift up his leg. This of course forces his car to move forward and into the truck in front of him.

    The guy that he hit got out of his car completely fuming and yelling about the fact that they were both stopped. Alex then explains what happened and the guy ends up laughing it off.

    The end.

  2. -Genay, Well, at least he didn’t rear-end a really pretty girl and then have to explain to her that he rear-ended her car because there was a spider on his leg. Silver linings, yes? I have to admit, running into someone’s car is awful, but I think if the person is furious about it it makes everything soo much worse. I’m glad your friend Alex managed to get a giggle out of the whole thing.

  3. I don’t know if Alex would giggle about it now…. it still sort of brings fear into his eyes when he tells the story. But I do giggle uncontrollably as he has a very girl-like scream anytime he sees a spider. I mean, I thought I was bad…. but any machismo that might have been in his body is just out the window!!

    I’ll be sure to pass along the pretty girl antic to him. Might make him feel a bit better!

  4. I picked up a friend at the airport and was driving him to his hotel (paid for by the Uni. that was recruiting him). I turned to look at a business that had recently caught fire and turned back in time to slam on my brakes and clip the car in front of me. But only with the passenger side bumper – apparently my brakes weren’t up to the additional weight of my friend. After that, he absolutely refused to be a passenger while I was driving. Go figure.

    So there’s your silver lining. You were the only one in the car and don’t have a friend who will now refuse to be a passenger in your car.

  5. -Genay, Poor Alex, machismo is hard-won once lost. At least this accident didn’t deprive me of any of my girliness :)

    -Mrs. Higrens, Aw, man, how can he fault you for staring at a burning building?! Totally human nature if you ask me. It’s true that both the guy I hit and I were alone in our cars, so there were no worries about injuries or terribly damaged passenger relationships.

    The great irony in this situation is that the rental car supplied by my insurance company is a 2008 Dodge Charger, AKA a car that is about 3X as nice as the one I wrecked. Doesn’t it seem more sensical to supply bad drivers like myself with beaters? I really don’t as though I earned the privelege of a nicer car for two weeks, you know?

  6. Well, you know about my two car accidents already…both of which were 6 years ago, yet I am still hurting. It’s a good thing you weren’t injured because a simple fender-bender can wreak havoc on the rest of your life!!

    Also, I ALMOST rear-ended someone a while ago because I was looking at the new Audi R8 in the lane next to me. If you don’t know what that is, look it up, because it is quite beautiful.

  7. -Del, You’re so right that I’m lucky no one was injured! I guess Kermit took all the pain for both of us. It’s lame that you’re still in pain from those accidents, though. Tell your spine it’s time to move on, dang it!.

    I have seen the Audi R8 and it is totally worth getting into an acident just to ogle over. Such beautiful engineering…

  8. I had nearly the same accident… in a brand new car! It was less than 2 months old, and I did $9,000 damage to it.

    5 mph, freeway, into the trailer hitch of a suburban. The kid in the back seat of the guy’s car said he thought a bird hit the car.

    A BIRD!

    Gas guzzler? Sure, but that kid thought a bird, not a 1/2 ton car, hit him. He’s safe.

  9. -Matt, Oh man, that must have been rough in a brand new car! $9K damage is pretty impressive, though. At least you know that when you do something, even if it’s car crashing, you do it well :)

    After seeing the damage to Kermit, I’m definitely thinking that a sturdier car will be in order when we have kids in the sweet by and by. Waaay better safe than sorry!

  10. About the bag – from a sustainability standpoint, I’m trying to avoid buying new things these days. I need a new handbag and had a good look at Plato’s Closet, when my teenager was shopping there. Loads of choice and I found a very cool one for $25 – checked on eBay and this model goes for $250 sometimes!! I could have spent $10. So, head to consignment stores. Of course, our mutual friend Karen Burns has done this all her life, but always looks as if she stepped out of Vogue.

  11. Pingback: My Brush With the Law | Parsing Nonsense

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