I would henceforth like to nominate a new phrase for immediate blacklisting. Said blacklisting would ban this phrase from ever being uttered again, and require an immediate thrashing for anyone who violated the ban. The phrase in question?
Life’s not fair.
Perhaps you’ve used this phrase before. If you’re a parent, this might even be your very favorite phrase. Most likely, though, this phrase has been used against you. You have been wronged by these three simple words. You have been angry, maybe even enraged, and turned to someone for comfort only to get slapped in the face with this inane little sentence.
The reason I move to ban this phrase, and label it inane, is that it’s useless. Does anyone here really feel surprised to hear that the world’s not fair? Is anyone shocked by this? We all know that the world isn’t fair. It’s an imperfect world that we’re all trying to deal with one martini at a time.
What, then, is the point of reminding someone of this when they’re upset? It’s like sticking your thumb in the eye of someone who’s being eaten alive by ants. It’s not the worst thing you could possibly do, but it’s neither helpful nor pleasant.
Let’s remove this scourge from the world by banning this phrase back to the depths from whence it came. I have a much better replacement: Why don’t you just say this: “Yeah, that sucks, dude.” You still won’t have to pay that much attention, but you’ll relieve yourself of the onus of being the most gigantic tool that person has had to deal with all day. Everyone wins!
I shouldn’t even be in a bad mood today, what with it being St. Patrick’s Day and all. Corned beef and cabbage is bubbling merrily in the crock pot, Wes is feeling no pain from the pint of Guinness he drank earlier, there should be no strife in my world.
You know what makes everything better? Darth Vader:
I hope your St. Patrick’s day is amazing, because I would hate for you to anger Darth Vader when he’s very clearly trying to play nicely. Life may not be fair, but that doesn’t mean Darth Vader can’t be.