My Fair Vader

I would henceforth like to nominate a new phrase for immediate blacklisting.  Said blacklisting would ban this phrase from ever being uttered again, and require an immediate thrashing for anyone who violated the ban.  The phrase in question?

Life’s not fair.

Perhaps you’ve used this phrase before.  If you’re a parent, this might even be your very favorite phrase.  Most likely, though, this phrase has been used against you.  You have been wronged by these three simple words.  You have been angry, maybe even enraged, and turned to someone for comfort only to get slapped in the face with this inane little sentence.

The reason I move to ban this phrase, and label it inane, is that it’s useless.  Does anyone here really feel surprised to hear that the world’s not fair?  Is anyone shocked by this?  We all know that the world isn’t fair.  It’s an imperfect world that we’re all trying to deal with one martini at a time.

What, then, is the point of reminding someone of this when they’re upset?  It’s like sticking your thumb in the eye of someone who’s being eaten alive by ants.  It’s not the worst thing you could possibly do, but it’s neither helpful nor pleasant.

Let’s remove this scourge from the world by banning this phrase back to the depths from whence it came.  I have a much better replacement: Why don’t you just say this: “Yeah, that sucks, dude.”  You still won’t have to pay that much attention, but you’ll relieve yourself of the onus of being the most gigantic tool that person has had to deal with all day.  Everyone wins!

I shouldn’t even be in a bad mood today, what with it being St. Patrick’s Day and all.   Corned beef and cabbage is bubbling merrily in the crock pot, Wes is feeling no pain from the pint of Guinness he drank earlier, there should be no strife in my world.

You know what makes everything better?  Darth Vader:


Vader likes it stout.

I hope your St. Patrick’s day is amazing, because I would hate for you to anger Darth Vader when he’s very clearly trying to play nicely.  Life may not be fair, but that doesn’t mean Darth Vader can’t be.

10 thoughts on “My Fair Vader

  1. The phrase should be replaced with “Yes, the world is fair. You deserve what you’re getting.”

    That’ll shut ’em up.

  2. -DC, Dude, where are you when I need pithy one-liners? If I’m ever rich, I will pay you an obscene amount of money to follow me around me and supply me with wit on demand.

  3. Life’s not fair is usually my cry of complaint, not a response to my need for comfort. That’s usually along the lines of “pull up your big girl panties and deal with it”, but not exactly in those words. Also not helpful.

  4. -Blanche, Saying “Life’s not fair” when you’re sad is totally OK, because life sucks sometimes. But, if you’re complaining or venting to someone and they say that to you? Then it’s not OK. I just don’t think it’s too much to ask to have someone just agree that life can blow sometimes and then leave it at that. Just shove a brownie in my face, tell me I’m pretty, and leave it at that. You know?

  5. I was reading someone’s blog today and came across monologue from “American beauty” kinda came to my mind when I read this post:

    ” I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me but its hard to stay mad when there is so much beauty in the world…sometimes I feel like I am seeing it all at once and its too much…. my heart fills like a balloon that’s about to burst then I try to relax and stop trying to hold on to it then it flows through me like rain and I can’t feel anything but gratitude for every single moment of my stupid little life. ”

    This was from the movie and not the first thing I might think of, i would rather go “Life’s a bitch” and move on :)

  6. -Perception, That’s such a great quote. I’d totally forgotten about it until you mentioned it and I’m glad you did. Normally, getting to the place where I’m thinking that life is beautiful is not hard for me, but sometimes I have to get through the life sucks phase first.

  7. How does rain flow THROUGH someone? Are they Swiss? If not that’s a very strange mixed and unresolved metaphor. Shame on you Sam.

    Otherwise the quote is good. :-)

  8. -DC, Maybe in that instant he’s an old brick wall, decayed by the ages but still standing strong and vigilant while civilization rises and falls before it, revealing and concealing every scrap of shame and hubris humanity can play out beneath the infinite sky until one day the machines rise up and wage war against the humans and then scorch the sky, making acid rain fall and chew holes through the brick wall, which then reminds the brick wall that maybe life wasn’t so bad back when his biggest concern was whether the neighborhood kids were going to play kickball that day. Maybe that’s what he meant.

  9. As a teacher, this is what I hear “it’s not fair” all day long so I greatly appreciate being able to say “life’s not fair.” Without that saying, I may go insane. I’m also a big fan of “you get what you get, and don’t throw a fit.” But mostly I just tie them up, duct tape their mouths and stick ’em in the janitor’s closet while I ask “is this fair?”

  10. -Kate, Ha! I think every parent and teacher gets delight out of that phrase! I remember saying “Life’s not fair!” all the time when I was younger, and vowing to never repeat the dreaded phrase to my own kids some day. Just watch, though, because the minute my kids start talking I bet I’ll be saying “Well, life’s not fair” like an involuntary tic. Janitor closet discipline, huh? I’ve heard good things. If they’ve been particularly nasty that day, and are cogent enough to think of it, I bet they might just agree that such treatment was fair. Maybe.

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