Scene 1:

Erika wakes up at 6:30 am on Saturday.  She has to go to the bathroom, and knows she won’t be able to go back to sleep until she does.  She nudges Wes.

Erika: Honey, I have to pee so I might as well take the pregnancy test now.

Wes: Mrmph.

Erika pads into the bathroom, takes pregnancy test, and brings it back into bed with her without looking at the results.  She hands it to Wes.

Erika: What does it say?

Wes: Not pregnant.

Erika: [redacted].  Well that [redacted] sucks.

Scene 2:

Erika is at the grocery store when Aunt Flo finally shows up.  Erika hangs her head in frustration that she wasted yet another pregnancy test and wonders why Aunt Flo has to be such a gigantic pain in the [redacted].

A circus midget then slips on spilled beer in the aisle, promptly knocking Erika into the beer display and showering both of them with beer, which prompts Erika to make a life-changing discovery about how beer can make your hair grow thick and soft.  Erika and the circus midget patent the beer mixture, make millions, and Erika and Wes retire to a life of luxury in Costa Rica.  Hilarity ensues.

The End.

I’m going to drown my sorrows in a cosmo and some luscious cookie dough.  And try not to think about how I just wasted another very expensive pregnancy test.  And how unfair it is that I waited and waited and have nothing to show for it but a prankish uterus.  And how if my cycles are going to be close to two months long that I [redacted] quit right now.