No Bleaching the Baby

Sometimes I’m lazy and it pays off, like when I don’t feel like getting off the couch and Wes bring me a water refill and then the water tastes better because everything tastes better when someone else gets it for you.

Sometimes, however, laziness bites me right on the meatiest part of my backside. I took Aidan to run a few errands today and we made it to our last stop, Barnes & Noble, without incident (I wanted to pick up a book of crossword puzzles for our upcoming vacation. What has four letters and fits this sentence: Erika is a huge ____. Hint: The third letter is an R).

I was tired from schlepping him in and out of multiple stores, and when I saw that his stroller was way back in the third row seat, just out of reach, I decided to just carry him. It was going to be a quick stop, in and out. No need for a stroller,

Or so I thought.

I decided to make use of the restroom facilities before completing our shopping, so I set Aidan down in the handicapped stall with me and tried to do my business as quickly as I could. Fiendishly fast troublemaker he is, though, he managed to dip his hand into the toilet water of the public restroom in the .00025 seconds it took me to undo the top button on my pants.

His hand. Was in. The toilet.

Public bathroom.

UNKNOWN FECES CONTRIBUTORS.

You know that screen that comes on the television when they’re testing the emergency broadcasting signal? That’s what flashed through my brain the instant his hand touched the water. It was all I could do not to improvise a Silkwood Shower for him on the spot. My brain was screaming “Bleach his hand! Bleach it! Bleach it good!” But my common sense was there too, so I settled for good old-fashioned soap, water, and some more soap and water.

So now all I can hear in my head is George Bluth’s voice telling me, “And that’s why you always bring a stroller.”

6 thoughts on “No Bleaching the Baby

  1. I adore the restrooms that have the toddler seat for just this reason. Especially in stores which have carts so there’s no need to bring in the stroller. And I’m positive that that there example above is why some mom invented the Clorox bleach wipes.

    Silkwood seriously traumatized me. I couldn’t hear Amazing Grace for years without having flashbacks to the movie.

  2. -Blanche, I’ve never seen a store with a toddler seat! What a cool idea! Full disclosure, I’ve never actually seen the Silkwood movie. Now I know it’s one I can skip!

  3. Once we were at the park and apparently, on one side of said park, some kids had been partying. How did I find this out? When Caden picked up a budweiser can AND DRANK OUT OF IT.

    OH MY GOSH.

    Also- hip yourself to this fact: That Barnes and Noble bathroom gets cleaned every day. I don’t know about you- but I don’t clean my bathroom every day.

  4. -Jennifer, SICK! Who leaves a full can of beer at a park? Hooligans, that’s who. I’m sure B&N has fantastic bathroom hygiene, but UNKNOWN FECES CONTRIBUTORS negate that fact.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *