Notes to Self

I’ve been thinking a lot about the Terminator movies lately.  After seeing the new one on my birthday, I’ve been mulling and turning the story around in my head, reconciling my impression of the story from my youth with what I know now.

Inevitably, this leads me to wonder what I would do if I could send a T-1000 back to my youth.  Not to destroy me, but to save me.  From myself, from the mistakes I would have avoided had I been old (‘cuz I’m old now, and stuff) and wise (-ish).

Here are the things I would tell myself, which would of course vary depending on what year I sent the machine back to:

  • 1989 – Take it easy on the little person they keep telling you is your brother.  There will come a time when he will be the only one who laughs at every stupid joke that comes out of your mouth.
  • 1996 – Brushing the dirt off the knees of your softball pants does not actually equal washing them.  You’re not nearly as crafty and efficient as you think you are.  Look into bleach, you’ll thank me later.
  • 2000 – Yeah, it sucks you had to leave California and schlep it up to freezing cold Washington, but there are hot guys here so it’s OK.  You will make friends, you will con a devastatingly handsome guy into marrying you, and you’ll be very happy here.
  • 2000 – Don’t date that guy, he’s a total jerk.
  • 2001 – You will severely regret that hair cut you’re about to get.  Just because it was free doesn’t mean it’s any good.
  • 2001 – Same thing with this guy, definite waste of time.  Seriously, what are you thinking?
  • 2002 – Learn how to sew already, for goodness’ sake!  Being tall is no excuse for never wearing pants that are long enough.
  • 2002 – Accept the date from the devastatingly handsome waiter, just know that he will kiss you and then not call you for a month, and that you will spend the first year of your relationship wondering if he really exists.  He’s worth the trouble, though.
  • 2003 – That belly button ring is not going to end well for you.  Or your belly button.
  • 2004 – Jagermeister does not love you back.  When someone at a party offers you a Big Gulp cup filled with some kind of drink, don’t drink it.
  • 2005 – When devastatingly handsome boyfriend asks you to marry him, accept even though it’s crazy and you’re only 20.
  • 2007 – Run, screaming, away from that HR job.  You can do better!  You’ll save a fortune in therapy bills!
  • 2008 – That puppy you just bought will break your heart, but you’ll love him anyway.  Keep him away from small objects, even if you think there’s no possible way he’ll eat them.
  • 2008 – Save money, a lot of it, because you and Wes will get laid off and you’ll look down at your brand new carpet and wish it were still money in your bank account.

As you can see, the grand majority of my regrets are from high school.  Man, bad fashion and boyfriend choices all around there.  I’m kind of curious, what would you do if you could send a T-1000 back to some point in your past?  When would you send it and what would you program it to say to yourself?

3 thoughts on “Notes to Self

  1. 1989: You don’t have Chicken Pox, you have Hives, go to the zoo with fellow Kindergartners!
    1993: Stay away from edge of Scott’s pool, cause you can’t swim yet idiot! Save yourself some embarrassment from the entire 3rd grade.
    1994: Just say NO to perm! You will always be known as Curly Sue’s Doppelganger
    1996: Cry and plead with surgeon to tell dad it’s ok to go with fellow 6th graders to Outdoor Education for a week.
    1996: Watch what you eat kid! Puberty doesn’t agree with you, hence the weight gain. You will never be known as ‘String Bean’ again.
    1998: Tell Corinda to simply F**k off! She wasn’t worth your time or worry
    2000: Tell sister-in-law to go to doc with her headaches. Hopefully she can be saved, so her 2 little girls wont have to think that Christmas time is when mommy died anymore.
    2001: Don’t choose Hiram as your school. It isn’t right and you know it.
    2002: Say yes when Stephen keeps telling you to go to Jeremy’s party. Everyone tells you he had been talking about making his move with you that night, instead he gets drunk and hooks up with another. Shot blown, there went your shot at the upperclassman you were crushing on since 9th grade.
    2004: Tell friend he is making HUGE mistake by marrying his fiance
    2005: Don’t go down that road on August 12th
    2007: Confront friends wife about her “friend”
    2007: Friend does need help with his life after divorce.
    2008: Tell doctor to leave the word ‘RARE’ out of the equation when tells father about his disease.
    2009: Tell friend his new GF is a real See You Next Tuesday who is no better then the ex-wife!

  2. -EdgellACE, Ah perms, the downfall of way too many little girls’ curly-haired dreams. Thanks for sharing!

    -Perception, SERIOUSLY! I think that’s why he never let me interview you, he knew I would Morse code “SAVE YOURSELF” to you to save you from accepting the job!

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