At my midwife appointment last week, I asked her if she had any recommendations of ways to get labor started naturally.  I’m all for waiting for the baby to come when he’s ready, but I wanted to make sure I was doing everything in my power to make sure I was ready when the time came.

She recommended the following:

• Sex.  She actually said “Sex, twice a day” and then waited patiently while I laughed myself into an asthma attack.
• Evening primrose oil (Softens the cervix)
• Acupuncture (An informal observation of patients has shown that it shortens labor time and makes early labor go quicker)

I took diligent mental notes and resolved to make these things happen, as much as is possible anyway.  A quick trip to a local natural foods market yielded a bottle of evening primose oil caplets, and yesterday was my very first experience with acupuncture.

If I’m being entirely honest, I was skeptical when my midwife recommended acupuncture.  I grew up surrounded by Eastern medicine and philosophies (my Mom’s a big believer) but had little direct experience with the stuff.  I relegated the suggestion to the back of my mind as a last resort.

Yesterday, after a furious bout of nesting cleaning frenzy, I figured acupuncture was worth a shot.  If mopping the floor, dusting, sweeping, and vacuuming hadn’t sent me into labor, then why not give tiny little needles a try?

The acupuncturist was a teeny tiny little Italian man who’s been practicing acupuncture for 22 years.  He very quickly and with great panache inserted maybe a dozen or so tiny needles into my feet, lower back, and right hand, then left me to relax for twenty minutes.

It actually wasn’t as scary as I thought it was going to be.  The needles pinched a tad when they went in, but after they were in I didn’t even notice them.  After my twenty minutes was up, the needles were out and off I went.

I had two excellent contractions in the car, and the rest of the evening was spent reveling in some strong, though irregular, contractions which petered out by bedtime.  I was honestly surprised that the acupuncture yielded such strong contractions so quickly.  They were different from the other contractions I’ve felt, and even though it was false labor and nothing to get excited about, it was still pretty cool.

My research on the subject indicates that it usually takes two treatments to really get labor going, so if I’m not on the road to baby by Thursday I’ll probably go back in for a follow up treatment.  I always think it’s cool when you try something that you’re not sure about and it surprises you by working.  My horizons, they have been expanded.

An interesting side note: After all my sweeping, vacuuming, and mopping, my back was killing me.  The acupuncturist told me that a peripheral benefit of the treatment he was doing to induce labor was that it would help with back pain.  Wouldn’t you know it, but my back felt great afterward?

We’ll see if any of the methods recommended to me by my midwife will result in Squishy’s arrival soon, but I feel very confident knowing that I’ve done everything I can to be ready.  I have an appointment with my midwife tomorrow, we’ll see if she has any other ideas then!

I am the least fascinating person in the world right now.  My mind is a constant refrain of wondering when this baby is going to show up, and I’ve Googled so many labor induction methods and symptoms that I might have earned an honorary doctorate by now.

I go to bed every night wondering if this will be the night I wake up with contractions, and wake up disappointed every morning when I feel great and non-contracting and full of energy.  Squishy is oblivious, naturally.  He’s still wiggling and stretching and getting hiccups and generally not worrying a bit about coming out.  We tried enticing him with cookies.  It didn’t work.

The only silver lining has been the weather, which, seeing as how it’s been sunny and mild all week, has made getting outside for walks easier.  I just wish I felt like the walks were accomplishing something.  Other than getting me exercise and fresh air, that is.

Can’t you just feel the anxiety in this post, nigh smell the angst?  It’s a really strange day when you sit there thinking, “Man, I would just really love a huge contraction right about now.”  I almost don’t even want to post this, because it really is nothing but whining and being boring and blah.

But, post it I will, because I literally have nothing else to talk about and wouldn’t want people getting the wrong idea and thinking we’re having a baby soon or anything.  Now, if you’ll excuse me I’m going to go eat some pineapple sprinkled with basil and oregano, shortly followed by bouncing on an exercise ball while pressing on acupressure points and slamming shots of blue and black cohosh.

The above sentence was all lies.  I’m not planning to do any of these things.  These are just some of the natural induction methods I’ve read about recently.

Go ahead, ask me when I’m due.  Because now I can answer simply and say, “Wednesday.”  Not “In February” or “The 24th of this month.”  No no, friends.  I’m due on freaking WED-NES-DAY.

Had a lovely visit with my midwife yesterday, wherein she did not tell me what I wanted to hear.  I know it was completely foolish to walk in there expecting her to take one look at me and proclaim that the baby would surely be here within 24 hours.  But still, that was what I wanted her to say.

Instead, she said what I always hear at these appointments, which is, “Everything looks great.  I’ll see you next week if not sooner!”

*sigh* Pregnancy is super special awesome fun and all, but wouldn’t a baby be even more fun?  That’s what I keep telling the baby.  I describe all the wonderful things we have for him out here, like hugs and fuzzy blankets and FOOD, but he’s comfy all hanging upside down in there like a bat, and there’s nothing I can say to persuade him to leave before he’s good and ready.

So I guess I’ll take my healthy full-term baby with his chubby cheeks and mature lungs and stop whining about it, shall I?

Despite appearances to the contrary, I’m actually really enjoying my maternity leave.  I had wondered if I’d succumb to boredom and regret my decision to stay home for a week before my due date, but it’s actually been a great decision.  My ability to sleep at night is deteriorating more every night, which makes afternoon naps imperative and sometimes evening naps too.

Additionally, I’ve had the chance to catch up on projects that have nothing to do with the baby but that need attention regardless.  There’s also this lovely thing called the sun that’s been shining outside lately, and I’ve gotten out to take walks around the neighborhood at least once every day this week.

I’m able to cook dinners for Wes (my man loves coming home to a cooked dinner!), keep the house clean, and get the laundry folded in a timely manner.  So far, being home has been awesome.  I’ve also noticed that I’m eating less at home than I made a habit of doing while working full time.  I wonder if this will make losing the baby weight easier…

Other than how much I’m enjoying being home (I can just see all you working people out there furrowing your brows and shaking your fists at me) I have little to say.  When you’re hanging out at home waiting for your baby to come, your world kind of shrinks a little.

I’m sure I’ll look back on this time and remember it going by in a blur.  I’ll remember with longing the afternoon naps and leisurely walks.  For now, though, living the memory as it were, time is inching by.  It’s the most pleasant kind of inertia.

It’s a good thing I’m not expected to go to work today.  A really, really good thing.  If I had been expected to trundle into work at 8 AM this morning, I would likely have spent the hours between 1 AM and 4 AM in tears and then spent the rest of the day completely useless.

You see, I was sleeping last night.  All curled up in my nice warm bed, blissfully unaware of anything, when *BAM*! Contraction.  One that was strong enough to wake me up, and painful enough to be slightly disorienting, given that it pulled me from my sleep without so much as a reconciliatory cup of hot chocolate.

It subsided, and I tried to fall back asleep, only to have another contraction come hurtling around the corner an hour later.  Given that the contractions were an hour apart, I didn’t start getting excited or anything, but I was definitely curious about whether Something Was Up.  I tried in vain to fall asleep again, and when no other contractions came I eventually fell back asleep sometime around 4 AM.

Can I just say that getting woken up by contractions in the middle of what was an otherwise uneventful and restful sleep is totally lame?  If my uterus wants to wake me up with contractions, I’m all for it at this point, but she’d better make sure they’re coming on strong and regular or it’s just a great big version of Pregnancy Punk’d, isn’t it?

So now here I sit.  With no baby in my arms and no contractions and a giant belly and a sleepy head.  I suppose this is all par for the course, and also a really good reason to give yourself some time off work before the baby comes, but oh my goodness.  So tired.  And ready to be done gestating.