Assault with a Sleepy Pharmaceutical

So…I’m kind of a bad puppy mom.  I forgot to make a big deal of my puppy’s birthday and, as a result, it completely slipped past us this year.  Last year I wrote this big sappy long post for his big day, and this year there wasn’t even a footnote.  Not that he cares, of course, but I care a little.

In other canine-related news, we have a neighborhood pest.  Not the bedraggled, scrappy little pup who wanders the ‘hood in search of children in trouble and vulnerable desserts just waiting to be knocked from window ledges.  This pest is confined to his yard.  Where he barks.  All day and all night.

Since when is it ok to just let your dog bark all the time?  Outdoors?  When you live in the ‘burbs and your neighbors are all working very hard at the jobs they need to excel at so they don’t lose their 1,000 square feet of dream lifestyle?

This dog sounds like it weighs about ten pounds but has the vocal chord strength of  a gaggle of angry chimps.  It barks all night and during sporadic times in the day, which leads me to believe the owner brings it inside sometimes.  Which then leads me to assume said owner kicks the stupid dog out at night.  Which I assume is because it’s a yappy mess of a creature.

Listen, I get that barking dogs are unpleasant.  They’re loud, they do it for any and all reasons, and they get all riled up about it.  However, I’ve heard there are these amazing breakthroughs in behavioral manipulation (called “basic training” to responsible pet owners) that can prevent this kind of thing from becoming a problem.

Now, I’m not saying we’re perfect.  Doc barked his little head off for the first month we left him outside in his kennel during the day.  He wasn’t happy and he wanted us back and it was all too tragic.  We let him know we didn’t appreciate his noise by setting a reliable routine and chucking tennis balls at his cage (thereby making a scary rattling noise) every time he barked.  Now, he goes outside and stays there with nary a peep.

We’ve taken a lot of pains to ensure our puppy is not a menace or a pain to anyone but us.  He doesn’t pee or poop in anyone’s yard but ours.  He doesn’t bark.  He’s never off leash.  He only kisses and plays with people who tell us they want his affection.  He’s a model dog, and we love him to pieces.

But, we had to work all three of us to the ground to get there.  It just really makes me mad that this person couldn’t be bothered to do the work he/she should have done to be a good neighbor-who-is-also-a-dog-owner and now we all have to suffer for it.  Our backyard abuts about five other yards, so it’s kind of impossible to ascertain the menace.  It could be the cocker spaniel who lives in what Wes and I suspect is perhaps a meth lab (or forgotten portal to Narnia).  Or it could be the papillon who lives with the neighbor whose tree fell in our yard and nearly smushed our kennel.

Rest assured, however, that if I ever figure out whose dog it is, I will be sorely tempted to invest in some pooch-safe narcoleptics that will be swiftly tucked inside treats and hurled over the fence.  I am sorry.  I work a ton.  I need rest, and for me the sound of a yipping dog is just about as far away from restful as it gets.  If that means drugging someone’s dog with Puppy Ambien for a night?  I’m all for it.

2 thoughts on “Assault with a Sleepy Pharmaceutical

  1. Our next door neighbor had two dogs who would bark like CRAZY all day long – and then, every Friday, she would leave them outside ALL NIGHT LONG – I don’t know what she did on those Friday nights, but the whole neighborhood had to pay for it. Well, I don’t care for 1am barking fits. And frankly, I won’t tolerate it. I called up that handy dandy non-emergency police line and put my taxes to work. I had to do it twice, total – but I’m happy to say that she doesn’t leave her dogs out in the middle of the night anymore. Am I a bitch? Hmm, maybe so. But I don’t get woken up at 3am any more. Also related: Why get a freakin dog if you are just going to leave it out all day? What is the point????

  2. -Belly Girl, Good going! I don’t think that makes you mean at all, I think calling the police is infinitely more kind than drugging your neighbor’s dog. The trouble is, I don’t know which neighbor is the culprit, so I wouldn’t know where to direct the police to go! I’d feel really dumb to call them out and then have them wait around listening for that stupid little yapper.

    We leave Doc outside in a kennel during the day, but only because we both work and he can’t be left unsupervised EVER because he eats things that get stuck in his stomach. The difference is, he likes being in his kennel and has been trained to never bark.

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