The Prude’s Guide to Tasteful Music Videos

Look! Clothes! And ears! We all win!

I’m a huge prude. There’s no getting around it. I see teenage girls strutting through Safeway in bathing suits and all I can think of is, “PUT SOME CLOTHES ON, YOU HUSSIES!” I write a scene in which my characters might be, um, intimate, and I get all blushy and flustered and must avoid describing what they’re doing entirely.

Seriously? Even writing the word “intimate” makes me uncomfortable. It’s a wonder I ever managed to get pregnant, huh?

It’s ok, for the most part I’m fine with my prudishness. I figure it’ll come in handy when I want to torture my kids someday (especially if I have a daughter. I look forward to using the word “hussy” as often as possible).

I did have occasion to wonder about my modesty, though, when I stumbled across a Lady Gaga music video. It was…Umm…What’s a nice way to describe it? Well, let’s just say I was shocked I didn’t have to buy her dinner before watching it. I actually had to turn it off, and check that it was really her music video and not some kind of lascivious wormhole that reached out and swallowed me whole.

Am I behind the times? I mean, even some network shows seem, to me, to be rather more, um, lubricious than I’d always assumed the censors who protect us from naughtiness would be ok with. I mean, Janet Jackson’s boob was a national incident, and yet there’s just as much boobage on some episodes of Mad Men.

I mean, yeah, Janet Jackson was on the Superbowl and Mad Men is a show intended for adults. But it’s not as though kids evaporate after 8 pm and never have access to this stuff. So, really, I see little difference.

Is anyone else shocked by things like how so many music videos resemble soft core pr0n nowadays? Just once I’d like to see a music video where all the people wear clothes.

I mean, isn’t that Lady Gaga’s thing? Wearing crazy clothes? Her music isn’t so bad that she needs to feign relations with people to get us to listen to it, so why bother? Why not just film a tour of your closet, stick a music track behind it, and call it good?

An upside to the Prude’s Guide to Tasteful Music Videos is that you have to diet a lot less if the whole world doesn’t see you naked all the time. Truffles for everyone! We all win!

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