Bald Hispanic Glutton Barbie

I’m losing my hair.  Just when I think I’m past the indignities and mysteries of being postpartum, my body has a good long laugh at my expense and then whacks me upside the head with yet another special issue.

I don’t recall having thicker hair when I was pregnant.  My hair’s always been unruly and thick, so maybe I just didn’t notice, but regardless of what it was like a few months ago it’s noticeably thinner now.  It’s especially horrifying in the morning after I brush my hair and it looks like I just shaved Hispanic Barbie and then cleaned it up with my hairbrush (I say Hispanic Barbie because I’m Hispanic).

To say nothing of my personal horror at losing so much hair, it’s wreaking havoc on my vacuum cleaner.  The poor thing needs to be resuscitated after every use!

In other postpartum news, I found out yesterday that I’m back to my pre-pregnancy weight!  I’m still highly suspicious the scale is broken, however.  Why?  Because I am eating like a wild, savage beast.  I have an appetite that is no respecter of waistlines and a hunger that is distracting, all-encompassing, and undiscerning.

For example, here’s a sampling of what I ate over the weekend:

  • A Burger King Whopper with small fries and a small Oreo shake
  • Half a loaf of French bread soaked in butter
  • Waffles soaked in butter
  • Pancakes soaked in butter
  • Biscuits soaked in butter (noticing a trend? We here at casa de Mitchell are a fan of all things churned)
  • Strawberry shortcake with homemade whipped cream
  • A chocolate chip cookie
  • Pumpkin scone with hot chocolate
  • Half a Cinnabon

Dudes, that was just from the weekend.  I seriously ingested enough calories to keep a small African village happy for a week.  And I lost weight! (And also dignity, but that’s another matter entirely)

So let this be a lesson to you all: Breastfeeding.  It’s awesome.  For sure it’s a lot of work at the beginning, but short of becoming an Olympic athlete who trains all the time, how else would you ever be able to eat like that without turning into a walking ad for gastric bypass?