My SciFi Utopian Novel Idea

What could go wrong with requiring people to do this for an hour every day?

What could go wrong with requiring people to do this for an hour every day?

I was at the gym this morning when I had a thought I’ve had many times: Why isn’t anyone harnessing the energy from gyms and using it to power stuff? I have to imagine stationary bikes, rowing machines, and the weight training equipment could provide the necessary friction to generate energy, why aren’t we using it?

In my head, I imagine a world where everyone is able to offset their energy bill by producing clean fitness-generated power at the gym. People could sign on for extra sessions to either eliminate their energy bills entirely or make extra money on the side,thereby solving two problems at once: Obesity and fossil fuel dependence.

Elegant, no?

Of course, in my alternate reality (science fiction?), the rich would go from being unattainably  thin to the extravagantly obese, because they can afford not to have to generate their own energy like the plebes. Overall, though, quality of life will improve as people exercise more, feel better, and our country is able to break its reliance on foreign oil.

Seems like a win-win to me. Then again, I write fiction for a living so what do I know about the real world?

An Inadvertent Murder Mystery Dinner

DIGITAL CAMERAWes and I had the pleasure of having dinner at a lovely restaurant on the water last Friday. He talked me into ordering the five-course tasting menu with him (something my waist regrets but I do not) and we sat there for almost three hours, eating, chatting, and watching the sun go down over the water. Gorgeous.

Of course, there was a bit of an elephant in the room while we dined. Well, not in the room. Tied to the dock. A gargantuan (and I do mean that in the traditional sense wherein it’s meant to convey sheer, enormous size) luxury yacht.

Now, I’m sure you’re thinking of the nicest yacht you’ve ever seen. I’m sure it’s lovely. What you need to do in order to understand the sheer size of this thing is to double that yacht you’re thinking of. In height, width, length, everything.

This thing was so humongous, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn it had a bowling alley and perhaps a wine cellar, too. There was a yacht docked next to it and I actually felt kind of bad for the smaller yacht because, even though it was a very nice yacht and probably more expensive than anything I’ll ever own, it looked piddly next to the grand empress of the seas that was this mega-yacht.

Wes and I took a stroll past it on our way back to the car and it must have been 150 feet long. At least. What we could see through the windows was absolute elegance with very good taste. The leather on the upholstery looked soft enough to chamois a car with, and the deck had to have been made of teak. A crew member was walking around outside the boat, patrolling the deck for any unwanted riffraff, and we passed pleasantries with him before heading home.

I couldn’t stop thinking about that boat, though. How fun would it be to invite friends to come for a cruise with you? I’m pretty sure a maritime party is even better than a land party because the water compounds the coolness. Everyone knows this.

I was looking up information on this kind of mega yacht, though, and apparently a vessel of this size requires a crew of eight to run. I think that might be a bit weird. Even though the crew have their own quarters on board, I just think it’d be weird to be confined on a boat with eight people who work for me.

Of course, the thriller writer in me thinks this is just begging for a murder on the high seas, where the motives are unclear and the mystery unsolvable until the final pages. Come on, that story practically writes itself.

In an attempt to prevent the crew from hating me and wanting to murder me for my money, I’d probably be tempted to help them clean up and do their jobs all the time out of some awkward embarrassment over being waited on.

Who knows, though? Maybe if I ever have hundreds of millions of dollars, I’ll get over that shyness real quick. That is, unless inflation keeps getting worse, in which case my hundreds of millions of dollars will be worth approximately enough to buy a postcard of what that yacht looks like.

Blood Money: The Movie

My book was reviewed by a book review site yesterday. The reviewer had many kind words to say about my tale of accounting for terrorism (ha! Get it? See what I did there?) but the thing that tickled me most was that she said she could easily picture my book as a movie.

I have to admit, that sounds like it would be pretty cool. Seeing as how Hollywood seems to keep remaking old movies over and over again, I have to wonder whether I should just start throwing copies of my book over the gates of movie studios. It seems like they’re fairly desperate for new ideas.

I could do one of those author cameos in movie adaptations, you’d see me reading a copy of one of my own books in the corner behind the main characters. If they made a movie out of Blood Money, I could be sitting at the bar at The Mitre. That’d be pretty cool.

Sort of related but not really: Last week, someone messaged me on Facebook, asking me whether I’d consider casting her for the role of Anastasia in the Fifty Shades of Grey movie. I can’t help but wonder what she thought would happen. Is she naive enough to think messaging the (wrong) author on Facebook would land her the lead role in a movie?

Hey, what do I know? Maybe that IS how actresses get cast in movies. You could fill my knowledge of how movies are made in a snack-sized Ziploc baggie.