Socks and sandals go together about as well as toddlers and gigantic, open pits that are filled with honey and endorsed by taut-bellied and maddeningly relatable teen stars. This has been my take on the matter ever since I saw my mom wear socks with her Teva’s and will likely be my final word on the matter when I am on my deathbed and my daughter asks me, “Mom, before you die, answer me this one question: How do you feel about wearing socks with sandals?”
So, just to be clear, in my book, which looks suspiciously like an encyclopaedia because I know a lot of (useless) things, in the entry on socks and sandals there is but a final word: NO!
In fact, Wes and I almost got into a screaming fight about it when we left for Mexico in December. He was putting his socks on before our flight and before the words of abject objection could bubble past my lips he was slapping those sandals on like peanut butter on a banana sandwich. Horrors!
Despite my pitiful words to the contrary, he decided that socks and sandals would not reflect poorly on his wife and wore them to the airport anyway. People actually pointed to him and laughed in the Mexico airport. I tried to explain to him that, when women see a poorly-dressed man, they usually just assume it’s because his wife doesn’t know how to dress him. I pleaded with him to reconsider, but my husband he is a stubborn one and socks and sandals it was.
So, imagine my delight when he sends me a video that perfectly embodies the unnatural pairing that is socks and sandals. You can check it out here if you like.
The moral of this story is that socks and sandals are wrong under every circumstance. The next time you feel tempted to force your sandals over your socks, imagine that your sandal is an anchovy and your sock is my face (my screaming in horror, cringing in disgust, red from exertion pleading for mercy face). These things may be fine individually (depending on your perspective) but together they just go horribly, irreparably wrong. And make me scream.