The Internet is Eating My Brain

It is a glorious day here, my goodness! The sky is that perfect October blue that every bride dreams of when she plans her Fall wedding. I’m very grateful for the blue sky because it means that Wes is going to be able to mow the lawn. Yippee! Our grass is officially a foot high and our tiny little house is quickly disappearing beneath the Mitchell Jungle. The grass grows so fast, though, it seems like Wes has to mow every other day! Personally, I suspect steroid use.

Anyway, moving on…The Internet is rife with distractions and for awhile it seemed I might lose myself in the depraved detritus of that squalid wasteland. I am speaking specifically about Perez Hilton. Yep, I’m ashamed to admit it but for awhile I checked his website every day, sometimes multiple time per day. It is a shameful thing for me.

Why? Well, I would like to consider myself an well-educated person. According to the Encarta quizzes I’ve taken it would appear that I am a very smart cookie and I would like to think that attending college means I’ve learned some things. Perez Hilton is not what I would consider intelligent entertainment. In fact, it is resolutely the opposite of that. It is the complete absence of social conscience and good grammar.

I am ashamed to admit that I actively sought out those lame little drawings and unnecessarily malicious commentaries on the lives of people I will never know. So, I have decided to kick the habit. Whenever I get bored at work I blog, or look up interesting things on Wikipedia, or play Scrabble (I used the word ‘canticle’ on Scrabble once. It was worth 160 points. It made my whole day) but I do not look up Perez Hilton. No sir/ma’am.

It’s just that when I read that website it felt like I was polluting my brain and I feel like that’s an unnecessary waste. I’m not advocating that you not read it, you may have better self-restraint than I do and maybe it won’t become an addicting and shameful habit for you. As for me and my brain, however, we’re gonna stick with Encarta (and lots of random trivia!).

I have also recently joined Facebook. It’s fascinating! I have reconnected with so many people I haven’t spoken to in so long! It’s really distracting at work however, because there’s a sore temptation to look up past friends and that’s probably not what they’re paying me to do. So there’s my newest distraction at work.

I have honestly wondered whether the Internet might be the worst thing to happen to the workplace. There are so many places to get lost/distracted on the Internet and I wonder how the availability of mindless gratification has affected productivity in the workplace. That would be an interesting study to do, actually.

So the point of this whole post is this: I may not be the most productive person at my company right this second, but I know what to do if you’re in a high-rise building and a hurricane or tornado strikes. I think of the two options survival knowledge is more valuable. My boss may not agree with me right now but trust me, if we’re in a hurricane (yes, in Seattle) he’ll agree really quick.

One thought on “The Internet is Eating My Brain

  1. Oh, Internet! I almost wish Al Gore had never invented you. I could have lived my life gladly without ever knowing the “Shoes” video, or becoming addicted to incessant news updates.
    Indeed, we might have all been better off. Facebook, you make me feel a little creepy sometimes, especially when I recognize people I’ve never met– but I know exactly how to navigate the six degrees so tenuously separating us. High school reunions will be made doubly awkward when I ask about things I never technically heard about– “Oh, I heard you got married back in ’05 after those other two brief relationships didn’t quite work out, and now you have 2.5 kids and a turtle named Mr. Snuffalufagus, or so the grapevine tells me in all its terrifying precision. How’s your side career in indie film post-production working out for you?”

    But then, Sunday morning rolls around, and I hit the snooze alarm with a hammer a few times until 10 minutes to 10, when I roll out of bed into the chair next to the bed, fire up the computer, hook up the nerd-core headset– and call Elisabeth in Cairo, for FREE, over the internet!!!!1!

    And how to survive without your assistance in procrastinating? Witty blog comments are way more important than writing a paper, anyway!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *