The Road to Bagel Perdition

Friday has recently become bagel day for me. There’s this bagel shop by my work, called Noah’s Bagels, and it’s my new happy place. There are fresh bagels, incredible sandwiches, and delicious coffee beverages all in one place!

This morning I ran out of the house without eating breakfast so when I got to work I was starving. I asked my colleagues whether they wanted anything, took orders, and left on my bagel-acquiring mission.

I was not seen again until an hour later.

Now, if this bagel shop was in the heart of Seattle, my hour-long ETA might have made sense. No, no, this bagel store is literally five minutes (if not less!) from my work. So how, do you ask, is it possible to spend an hour fetching bagels?

It’s all too possible if you only know to get to the bagel store through one parking lot entrance. Some construction workers were digging up the parking lot and they told me I needed to go around. I blanched, but then steeled myself by rationalizing that surely there were more entrances to the parking lot and they’d be easy to find.

They were. What wasn’t easy to find, however, was the exit. I couldn’t find the same entrance I’d used to enter the parking lot and inadvertantly found a different one. It let me out on a street I’ve never seen before and, before you can wish on a star, I was lost with three bagels, a hot chocolate, some frozen peas, and a bag of pizza rolls.

I eventually figured out where I was and got back but it took me a lot longer than it should have. The reason? I have a tiny cerebellum. Yep, your cerebellum, located in the back, more primitive section of your brain, is what helps you get oriented. Apparently, mine’s growth was stunted (I blame the Power Rangers. For no specific reason, exactly. Just because) and now it’s public knowledge that I couldn’t find my way out of a wet paper bag.

My physiological psychology professor told me that men tend to have larger cerebellums than women, and this is because they needed a strong sense of direction when they went hunting/gathering. I’m not sure about this, probably because I’d like to think my cerebellum is small to compensate for the sensational amount of awesomeness that I’m working up in my frontal lobe, but that’s probably just wishful thinking.

In all reality, my cerebellum is probably the size of a pea and everything else is, well, used for storing away useless facts like what a cerebellum does and what part of the brain is first impacted by alcohol (the cerebellum too, if you’re curious.)

I guess this just makes me less primitive…?

4 thoughts on “The Road to Bagel Perdition

  1. I dont have an email address for you, so in order to get this website to you that we were talking about, I have to post it in the comments of your blog.

    HOWEVER

    I am good at segues. So here goes:

    In the same way that women (by your hypothesis) or at least you (by admission) have an underdeveloped cerebellum, I would posit that men have an underdeveloped coutourebellum. Case in point, here is a website dedicated to the fashion trends and analysis the professional woman should know about http://corporette.com/

  2. -Dane, Thanks for getting this to me, I appreciate it! I’ll send you an email with a link if I end up writing a post about for Qvisory.

    As far as the couturebellum is concerned…I’m pretty sure I missed out on that one too because most couture ends up looking like elementary school projects to me. I think my vastly overdeveloped amygdala makes up for it, though ;)

  3. -Milena, Thanks for your comment, it’s so comforting to know that I’m not alone in my sense-of-direction-impairedness! Isn’t it the best when you’re lost and you find a new cool place, though? That’s how I originally found the bagel place!!

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