Friday has recently become bagel day for me. There’s this bagel shop by my work, called Noah’s Bagels, and it’s my new happy place. There are fresh bagels, incredible sandwiches, and delicious coffee beverages all in one place!
This morning I ran out of the house without eating breakfast so when I got to work I was starving. I asked my colleagues whether they wanted anything, took orders, and left on my bagel-acquiring mission.
I was not seen again until an hour later.
Now, if this bagel shop was in the heart of Seattle, my hour-long ETA might have made sense. No, no, this bagel store is literally five minutes (if not less!) from my work. So how, do you ask, is it possible to spend an hour fetching bagels?
It’s all too possible if you only know to get to the bagel store through one parking lot entrance. Some construction workers were digging up the parking lot and they told me I needed to go around. I blanched, but then steeled myself by rationalizing that surely there were more entrances to the parking lot and they’d be easy to find.
They were. What wasn’t easy to find, however, was the exit. I couldn’t find the same entrance I’d used to enter the parking lot and inadvertantly found a different one. It let me out on a street I’ve never seen before and, before you can wish on a star, I was lost with three bagels, a hot chocolate, some frozen peas, and a bag of pizza rolls.
I eventually figured out where I was and got back but it took me a lot longer than it should have. The reason? I have a tiny cerebellum. Yep, your cerebellum, located in the back, more primitive section of your brain, is what helps you get oriented. Apparently, mine’s growth was stunted (I blame the Power Rangers. For no specific reason, exactly. Just because) and now it’s public knowledge that I couldn’t find my way out of a wet paper bag.
My physiological psychology professor told me that men tend to have larger cerebellums than women, and this is because they needed a strong sense of direction when they went hunting/gathering. I’m not sure about this, probably because I’d like to think my cerebellum is small to compensate for the sensational amount of awesomeness that I’m working up in my frontal lobe, but that’s probably just wishful thinking.
In all reality, my cerebellum is probably the size of a pea and everything else is, well, used for storing away useless facts like what a cerebellum does and what part of the brain is first impacted by alcohol (the cerebellum too, if you’re curious.)
I guess this just makes me less primitive…?