This week’s Thing That Does Not Suck is a bit weird. I’ve featured some weird ones on here before, like this one, for instance. And then there was the time I wrote a haiku and talked about my daffodils. And then there was the time I featured a muppet. In fact, looking back through my TTDNST archives reveals that very little of what I’ve featured hasn’t been weird in some way.
This week’s Thing is so strange, however, that it caused a spontaneous smile to break out all over my face. I tripped over it this morning and it’s been giving me smiles all day. There just comes a time in life when you realize that what you never knew you were missing in your life was a gigantic necklace that spelled out something blatantly obvious:
Yeah. There you have it: What may be the lest helpful necklace ever constructed by the hand of man (or woman). Apparently this guy’s name is T-Pain. I don’t know what he does, or why he was there, but I don’t really think that’s important. What’s important is that this guy wants you to know what’s going on. With this guy, you know exactly where you stand.
Imagine with me, if you will, some of the other necklaces he might keep at home…
- Hungry For Dinner (For fancy dinners out at nice restaurants)
- I Haven’t Showered (He’s very responsible to let us know)
- I Have Teeth (Just in case you fail to notice thanks to the spinners or whatever he has in his mouth)
As long as there is weird crap like this floating around the universe, I think we’re all going to be just fine. Recession, nuclear Armageddon, whatever. Forget about it. Because you know what? When aliens are desiccating what’s left of our culture after they finally land to explore our planet, the only thing that will be left will be that necklace. From it, they will deduce that we were a planet of gigantic, majestic creatures who were wiped out after a worldwide natural disaster. And then they’ll make a movie about cloning us and putting us in a park, wherein we will escape and, naturally, consume and destroy everything we find.