TTDNST: Strung-Out Theory

In light of my recent commitment to quit drinking coffee, I think that this Thursday’s Thing That Does Not Suck will be about addiction, and how addiction is not really at all such a bad thing sometimes:Now, I’m well aware that some people have a genuine problem with addiction. I, myself, struggled with a debilitating Krispy Kreme addiction when a store opened up close to my house, and the detox for that s.o.b. was a nightmare. Believe me, I know how troublesome a good old-fashioned addiction can be.

I don’t think my utter and complete devotion to coffee is a problem, though. No, no, no. Sure, I get headaches if I drink less than two cups of coffee every single morning within an hour of waking up. Also, don’t pay any attention to my unusually high blood pressure or general inability to sit still for long periods of time. Oh, and pay absolutely no heed to the fact that if I don’t have coffee in the morning, but I can smell it somewhere, my hands start to shake.

The evidence is pretty conclusive that I do not now, nor have I ever had, a problem with coffee addiction. I’m fit as a strung-out fiddle, thanks so much.

Today was my second day quitting coffee cold turkey and, aside from the piercing headache and general lethargy, I feel terrific. I’m hoping that the detox period from coffee is shorter than the one for pumpkin creme frappuccinos because, if it’s not, I’m in for a world of hurt.

You don’t think the people at Starbucks would mind if I leaned over their shoulders to smell their drinks, do you? Surely they won’t mind if I hunch over in the corner, shaking and muttering, while hoping for at least a coffee contact high? Surely not.

After all, what’s the point of going to a coffee shop if a strung-out junkie isn’t going to sit there trying to figure out how quickly he/she could jump you, steal your coffee, and dash to a hiding spot to drink it before getting nabbed by the cops?

4 thoughts on “TTDNST: Strung-Out Theory

  1. And where is Wes while you are detoxing? He’s not off in a hotel somewhere, avoiding you, is he?

  2. -Mrs. Higrens, Ha! No, far from it. He’s right here in the thick of things with me. So far his role has been to not drink coffee in the mornings lest I decapitate him and steal his coffee (he has no addiction so quitting doesn’t bother him a bit) and muttering supportive nothings when I bemoan how awful life is without my luscious coffee. We have so far avoided hurled objects, which is why I think he feels safe staying here. I think he’ll be outta here at the first sign of broken glass or broken coffee pots.

  3. Wish u luck with detoxing. Btw I tried Coffee 2 days ago when I was dozing off at my PC and a friend dragged me to the kitchen, handing me Starbucks. In 5 mins I was awake, energetic and acting weird. Thats what happens when you think tea is the best beverage. Now I cant seem to resist a cup of coffee each afternoon. Do u think its a sign of addiction :(?

  4. -Perception, I think coffee is infinitely better than almost every beverage in the world (with a cosmo being the notable exception). It’s not a bad thing to be addicted to…Try going without it for an afternoon, if you get a headache that makes you want to shoot demerol into your head, you’re probably addicted to caffeine. Thanks for the good wishes, I think I’m already starting to feel better!

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