When I was young I used to have this recurring nightmare in which I went bowling with friends and the party was broken up when a terminator robot busted into the bowling alley and slaughtered everyone. I escaped the building and hid under a car until the terminator removed his head and rolled it under the car, whereupon it exploded and I woke up.
Knowing this, you’d think that I hated the terminator movies but you’d be wrong. I have no idea how old I was when I first saw a naked Arnold Schwarzenegger stroll into a bar to the tune of “Bad to the Bone,” but I have loved the movies ever since. It’s been approximately one million years since I watched one, but I still hold a very dear place in my heart for those movies.
As a result, this week’s Thing That Does Not Suckis a no-brainer: The new Terminator movie. I’d always been curious about what the post-apocalyptic world of the future the first movies hinted at looked like, and now I get to find out. I have no idea whether or not the movie is any good, but I have to be honest: I’ll probably love it even if it’s terrible. What can I say? We all know I’m a sucker for action movies of dubious quality.
Also, it certainly doesn’t help that the movie stars Christian Bale. I have a lot of respect for him as an actor after watching what he did to himself to star in the movie The Machinist (dude, I’ve never seen a living person get that skinny). I think he’s terrific in the Batman movies, I adored his performance in 3:10 to Yuma, and I think he was creepy as could be in American Psycho. He’s a fine actor, and I have faith he’ll make the new Terminator movie look good.
The extra-special treat? The movie muckety-mucks in Hollywood must have known how much I love the Terminator movies because they decided to release the movie right before my birthday. How sweet, right? I can’t think of a better, more thoughtful gift from them!