This morning I awoke with great trepidation. In the midst of already-freezing temperatures, alarming new words were being bandied about by sharply-dressed men wearing ties and pointing at maps. Words like “snow storm” and “severe weather warning” and “2-5 inches of snow.”
After consulting two separate weather predicting sites on the Internet, I made a reasonably educated decision to stay home from work. After all, the weathermen were all busy predicting ice and snow for the entire state, who was I to assume they would all be wrong?
Now, here I sit at 2 in the afternoon. I’m looking outside and all the snow that was lying on the ground this morning has melted away to nothing. It’s cloudy, but not with the kind of clouds that dump down snow. It’s windy, but the last time I checked, “windy conditions” did not equate with “hazardous snow conditions”.
The weathermen have all changed their tunes since the wee hours of the morning. Now they’re saying that things will turn wintry later tonight. This is all well and fine for them, but I stayed home from work today for absolutely no reason whatsoever and I’m feeling a mite tiffed about the whole affair.
I feel like so silly staying home when the roads couldn’t be any clearer, and the driving conditions couldn’t be safer. I’ve done as much work from home as I can, but now I’m all done and I have the whole afternoon left during which to stew about how annoyed I am by the erroneous weathermen and their make-believe snow storm.
As such, I have decided that weathermen no longer deserve to be called scientists. As we all know, scientists are always right. This classification no longer applies to mischievous weathermen so, even though their fancy titles are “meteorologists”, they no longer have the privelege of being called scientists.
Charlatans? Sure! Impeccably-dressed men and women who point at maps and sound like they know things? Terrific! But scientists? No. Not now. Not ever. Never.